HMN 2024: Kids Say the Darndest Things: The Wisdom of Young Athletes

“Out of the mouths of babes hast Thou ordained strength,” begins Psalm 8:2 in the Bible’s Book of Psalms.

I can attest to that via 55 years of experience working with young people in and out of the sports world. Some of the most poignant insights I’ve witnessed emerged from young people (aged 22 and under). There were times I learned more from them than the other way around.

Many times, the wisdom conjured-up by young people far surpasses that of adults. Those moments have stuck with me through the years and taught me life-long lessons. As I instruct via Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT), a methodology commonly used by sports psychology professionals, when you’re paying rapt attention and are exquisitely present, those experiences with youth can be very learnable moments.

Adults can be dismissive of what young people have to offer due to the belief that kids lack the maturity, experience, and smarts of adults. That’s an unproductive, bad approach to working with youth that can disrupt effective working relationships with them for coaches, parents, and teachers.

Hopefully, you’ll be open to internalizing some lessons from the pearls of wisdom offered up by a few youngsters, shared herein.

Read carefully, set aside negative biases towards young people, and let’s go.

Letting Go of Disruptive Thoughts

Language is a highly valued asset that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom but it’s a two-sided coin. Heads: It provides the wonderous advantages of creativity, invention, and problem solving. Tails: Some thoughts are not always workable and can disrupt focus and emotional wellbeing.

Thought, constructed by language with words, may—or may not—be constructive, and we need to develop the awareness to know the difference.

After explaining all that to a clinical client, stricken with fear of the dark and unable to venture out of his home during lightless hours, due to watching too many horror movies, he went into a contemplative silence.

“You know what?” he finally broke the quiet. ‘What?’ I responded with curious wonder.

“My imagination hates me,” he replied. Bingo!!

He had separated himself from the unpleasant thoughts associated with darkness, and the fear that tagged along with them. He recognized that those thoughts were random events, and not him (his “imagination”). He was venturing into the darkness a few days later.

It took him just two sessions to conquer his problem by figuring out the distinction between useful and useless thoughts, an awareness that most adults take months to figure out if ever at all.

What was the age of this insightful guy? Nine!

A young man suffering from self-deprecating thoughts and the anger and self-loathing emotions stemming from athletic and other life mistakes and disappointments came my way. After helping him comprehend and utilize the same concepts described above, he came up with the following strategy for responding to the self-critical thoughts that show up.

“I’ll flick them away,” he said with conviction, and that’s exactly what he’s done since, no longer suffering from the thoughts and emotions that previously handcuffed him.

How old was this young man? Eight!

Portmanteau

A former, and graduated, collegiate athlete was soon starting her first career job. When asked how she was doing with that, a daunting challenge faced by young people under similar circumstances, she replied “I’m nervited.”

That’s what’s called a “portmanteau,” meaning two separate words compounded into a new one. No, this isn’t an English class, but that’s still worth noting.

“Nervited”? She recognized and identified the link between nervousness and excitement, so common to our human experience. The emotional roller coaster ride of pre-game jitters, anticipation of sports tryouts, and our first career job.

Such anticipation activates the nervous system, releasing cortisol and adrenaline, the biological cocktail of both anxiety and excitement. Worried thoughts turn the experience into anxiety. Positive anticipatory thoughts turn it into excitement. Blended nervous and excited narratives create a mix of emotions, colored by our thoughts.

This 22-year-old understood all that, enabling her successful navigation of a perfectly normal human experience, and preventing overwhelmed ineffectiveness. The latter can happen because many people do not like the feelings and thoughts that accompany those situations and obsess on them or try to make them go way (also causing dwelling). Such approaches can turn normal discomfort into increased distress, misery, and poor performance

By acknowledging her “nervited” experience and allowing for it enabled her to live with it successfully without turning an element of discomfort into suffering.

“Nervcited” is a portmanteau (with a “c” added) I now use with clients to describe fitting situations they encounter.

Another Nugget of Juvenile Wisdom

Sharing the nervcited concept with a young man preparing for a big sporting competition, I asked him what he thought that meant, and he responded with surprising insight.

“Nervousness and excitement are very similar because they both produce energy,” he explained. “If you channel that energy the right way it can help you perform better.” Exactly!

As he observed, nervcitedness can fuel an energy that can go in two directions: A released balloon with an untied neck, or a powerful rocket headed to a self-determined destination. Which would work best for you? Most people—even adults—choose the rocket.

Who came up with the energy channeling concept? A 12-years-old!

Another Surprising Pre-Teen Insight

A lower-leg injury prevented a young athlete’s ability to participate in an upcoming competition. He was saddled with the frustration and disappointment that is perfectly normal in such a predicament. He was asked if he could identify an advantage to his situation.

His reply was a shocker.

“It’s an opportunity to really focus on building my upper-body strength and my hand and arm skills,” the sixth grader enthusiastically stated. Many athletes of any age dealing with injury would have been so stuck on their self-pity and the accompanying emotions, coming up with an “advantage” or “opportunity” would have been a near impossibility.

Not this spot-on kid!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

That was the name of a famed segment of the radio/TV show, House Party, that aired in the late 1950’s through the middle 1960’s and hosted by the now deceased television icon Art Linkletter. If you haven’t figured it out, the title of this article was derived from that.

Young people can say and do the smartest and darndest things if you care enough to listen and observe. They possess wisdom that many adults don’t always notice or give kids proper credit for. Awareness of what children and adolescents say and do can deliver rich wisdom.

Paying sincere attention to kids has the added benefit of building positive relationships with young people for parents, coaches, teachers, and other youth-involved adults, especially when those mentors give affirmations to their young charges.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say,” observed author and leading social media influencer Bryant H. McGill. That goes for all people sharing their thoughts, be it an adult, child, or adolescent.

Open your eyes and ears, be aware, and deliver sincere kudos. The young person and adult will both be richly rewarded.