HMN 2024: The 3 Lies You Tell Yourself That Keep You Stuck

As a therapist, I often see my clients express how they deceive themselves by swimming in a denial river. We all want to believe we’re living our best lives, but sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves are the chains holding us back. These comforting lies—disguised as self-protection—keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns, unfulfilling relationships, and stagnant careers. But here’s the truth: facing these lies is the first step to absolute freedom.

Let’s examine three of the most common lies we tell ourselves, using real-life examples to illustrate how they play out and, most importantly, how to break free.

Lie 1: “It’s not that bad.”

Scenario: Kara, 38, (not her real name) has been in a relationship with Dave for seven years. He rarely supports her dreams, often dismissing her ambitions as “unrealistic.” Yet, Kara stays, telling herself, “At least he doesn’t cheat or hit me.”

The Truth: Settling for “not that bad” is settling for mediocrity. Kara’s lie keeps her trapped, ignoring the emotional neglect that slowly chips away at her confidence.

The Fix: Ask yourself, “What would ‘great’ look like?” and compare it to your current reality. Kara realized she wanted a partner who celebrates her wins, not diminishes them. She began therapy, found her voice, and eventually left the relationship.

Lie 2: “I’ll deal with it later.”

Scenario: Marcus, 45, hates his job. Every morning feels like a battle, but he convinces himself, “I’ll stick it out for another year, and then I’ll start looking for something new.” Five years later, Marcus is still stuck, more miserable than ever.

The Truth: Procrastination isn’t just a time-killer; it’s a dream-killer. Marcus’s lie lets him avoid the discomfort of change and keeps him from growth and fulfillment.

The Fix: Commit to one small action today. Marcus finally updated his résumé and applied to one job a week. Within months, he found a position that reignited his passion.

Lie 3: “I’m too old/too young/too something.”

Scenario: Sarah, 52, has always dreamed of writing a book. Yet, every time she sits down to start, the same thought paralyzes her: “Who’s going to want to read a debut author in her 50s?”

The Truth: Your “to something” excuse protects against failure. Sarah’s lie prevented her from even trying, robbing her of the chance to see what she could achieve.

The Fix: Flip the narrative. Instead of asking, “Who am I to try this?” ask, “Who am I not to try?” Sarah started writing for 30 minutes a day. Her book was published two years later, and her readers couldn’t care less about her age—they cared about her story.

Breaking Free From the Lies

So, how do you stop lying to yourself? Start by asking these three questions:

1. What am I avoiding by holding onto this belief?
2. What’s the worst that could happen if I let it go?
3. What’s the best that could happen if I choose to act instead?

Confronting your lies isn’t easy. It requires courage, discomfort, and a willingness to enter the unknown. But the reward is worth it—a life that feels authentically yours.

Remember, you’re not alone. Kara, Marcus, and Sarah once believed their lies too. They broke free. So can you.

Final Thoughts

The stories you tell yourself can be rewritten, but it takes courage to face the blank page. You might feel afraid, unsure, or even overwhelmed at breaking free from the lies that have guided your life for so long. That’s okay. Fear is part of the process—it’s a sign that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone and into the unknown.

Think of the lies you tell yourself as walls you’ve built for safety. They may have served you once, protecting you from pain or failure. But those walls became prisons over time, keeping you from growth, joy, and the life you deserve. To rewrite your story, you must first knock down those walls, brick by brick.

Ask yourself:

• What story am I ready to leave behind?
• What new story do I want to live?
• Who could I become if I stopped holding myself back?

The stories you tell yourself can be rewritten. The only question is: will you pick up the pen?