5 Steps You Should Take Before Starting An Open Relationship

As with anything, there are pros and cons to monogamous relationships. Just because some claim that monogamy isn’t natural, it doesn’t mean it isn’t a worthwhile pursuit, says David Barash, Ph.D., author of Out of Eden: Surprising Consequences of Polygamy. For example, monogamy correlates strongly with both male and female parents actively raising children, and men who aren’t monogamous are typically less likely to be engaged with their kids, he says.

And if you’re unable to share, negotiate, and re-negotiate as things progress, your open relationship may blow up in your face. However, if you are able to do those things, it can work wonders. A lot of people say it reinvigorates their sex life, says Sheff. They learn new sexual techniques and ideas that may never have occurred to them before. Beyond that, they might learn new emotional techniques and means of communication, and begin to expand their personality. The situation also demands that you take an active and responsible role in all your relationships, making you an overall better partner.

“I don’t necessarily advocate for or against monogamy, but I feel strongly that whatever lifestyle people elect, they should do so in full knowledge of their sexual nature,” says Barash. Beyond knowing yourself, he stresses that it’s essential to recognize the pitfalls of all relationship structures. For example, monogamy may lead to stability with occasional sexual frustration, while non-monogamy may leave you feeling sexually liberated with bouts of jealousy. In order to choose what’s right for you, you must determine what your priorities are in a relationship.