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5 Things You Need To Know About Demisexuality


Sure, you’ve heard of pansexuality (Miley Cyrus swears by it). But have you heard of demisexuality? In case you’re in the dark, a demisexual is a person who is not sexually attracted to someone until they’ve forged an emotional connection such as a trusting friendship, according to the Demisexuality Resource Center. 

Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and marriage and family counselor, explains it like this: “The typical person is going to meet someone and there is usually some degree of physical attraction we form within seconds. [With demisexuality], there’s no physical pull at all. It’s really about romantic feelings, love, and friendship, that really come first. The sexual attraction and desire would come second and is certainly not the driving force.” In other words, it’s totally different from Hollywood movies where people fall in lust at first sight.

Richmond also clarified that being demisexual does not have any bearing on the genders or orientations of the people you are attracted to. You can be a heterosexual demisexual, or a polygamous demisexual, and so on. Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and board-certified sexologist, describes a relationship with a demisexual person as “a friendship that catches fire.”

Here are five things to know about what demisexuality means—and what it doesn’t.


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