Paralyzed? When Two of Your Values Are in Conflict
Here’s a conflict: It’s nice when my older daughter is around while she does her homework; on the other hand, it’s good for her to be in her room without the distractions of family noise. So do I nudge her to go to her room, or do I let her stay in the kitchen? I can never decide.
These days, when I’m trying to get myself to pursue some course of action, I work hard to make sure I know exactly what I expect from myself, and why, and what value I’m choosing to serve.
I don’t think I’m the only one who struggles with this problem. Lack of clarity, and the paralysis that ensues, seems to be common. Here’s a list of aims in conflict that I’ve heard. Do any ring a bell for you?
I want to eat healthfully. It’s wrong to waste any food.
I want to give 110% to work. I want to give 110% to my family.
I want to work on my novel. I want to exercise.
I want to get more sleep. I want some time each day to talk to my sweetheart, watch TV, and goof around.
I want to spend less time in the car. I want my children to participate in many after-school activities.
Making money is not important. Making money is important.
I want to be very accessible to other people. I want time alone to think and work.
I want to be a polite guest. I want to avoid sugar.
I want to be frugal. I want to join a gym.
I want leisure time when I come home from work. I want to live in a house that’s clean and well-run.
I want to meet new people and see my friends. I want more solitude.
I want to stop nagging you. I want you to help me.
Have you experienced this–a paralysis that comes from conflicting values?
Check out this 1-minute video about 10 ways to be happier at home. One tip proved controversial; I almost tweaked it but then decided to leave it. Can you guess which one? Of course, the book Happier at Home is more thoughtful–but it was fun to come up with a list of ten.