My philosophy was easier proselytized than applied, but my kids did use it to their advantage from time to time. I distinctly remember when my oldest was upset because a High School teacher had apparently told her that she wasn’t college material. Crying, my kid said to me, “Maybe the teacher’s right; I should get a job and forget college.†My response was: “In about 20 years this teacher will be retired (or dead) and you won’t have a degree, and he won’t even remember you. Are you going to let this man shape your life?†She’s now completing her MBA.
In some situations my kids were able to make their own adjustments. My youngest took some heat for her shyness, and for the way she dressed. But she worked her way into a more open, mature crowd who saw her as unique. They protected her like a little sister until they graduated. By then my kid could handle herself. The main character in the movie, Charlie, was afforded a similar preservative route.
I did somewhat diss those school years. So be it. I’m glad I wasn’t terribly impacted by the cruel times. But not everyone can protect themselves from their pasts. We come from different backgrounds that allow us to employ different defenses and coping skills. Having seen the movie I now have even more empathy for those so influenced by their histories that they can’t see their potential. But my recommendation still stands: “Make what adjustments you can, get help if need be, and remember, the game of life is a long one. Nobody ever promised you a rose garden. Take the good with the bad and keep moving.â€
I could relate to the uplifting ending of the movie. Many of the student outcasts left for college and were given an opportunity to start over in a bigger arena; one that was more tolerant of their differences. Charlie sorted out his past and grew from his experiences. It was hard not to root for all of them. But I always knew these underdogs had potential; they just had to realize it and accept it. If we get stuck in the past, whether good or bad, we’ll never discover our true potential.
I texted my supervisee immediately after the movie to say that I was sorry he had experienced such alienating pain in his formative years. But I also congratulated him on coming through it to become a fine therapist and person. I then called my daughters and told them to remember fondly those kids (and adults) that took them in and protected them from the harshness of their early years. I told them to thank themselves for doing the same for others. I also apologized for missing anything. I hope all children, including my own, continue to hold onto the notion: “It’s not where you’re standing that counts; it’s where you’re moving to.â€
