\u201cThe first thing to know is that everyone grieves differently,\u201d Dan Reidenberg<\/a>, executive director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Education<\/a>\u00a0and chair of the American Psychotherapy Association told The Huffington Post.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome people grieve very hard, very quickly and then move on,\u201d he continued. \u201cSome people grieve privately. Some people grieve intermittently. Some people want to sleep a lot, some people want to talk.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Be open-minded about their process and know that grief is a response to any sort of loss, according to Reidenberg. Someone can grieve over the death of a partner or pet, the loss of a job or even a move from a cherished home to someplace new.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Culture tells us we have a certain amount of days off of work<\/a> before we\u2019re expected to get back on our feet. Some religions even outline a number of days<\/a> and months to grieve. But experts agree that you can\u2019t fit grief into specific parameters.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is no set time frame, so do not pressure people,\u201d Reidenberg said.<\/p>\n
This includes: \u201cTime heals all wounds,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ll bounce back,\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re in a better place,\u201d and \u201cI know how you feel,\u201d Michelle Carlstrom, a certified grief recovery specialist and senior director of Work, Life and Engagement at Johns Hopkins University<\/a> told The Huffington Post.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201c[Clich\u00e9s] are often filler statements because we don\u2019t know what to say,\u201d Carlstrom said. \u201cBut clich\u00e9s like this actually undermine the present moment, can belittle the experience and urge the griever to move through grief and \u2018get back to happy.\u2019\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Carlstrom suggests to ask open-ended questions when it is appropriate. Try these questions instead:<\/p>\n
When you don\u2019t know what to do or say in the moment, you can always say, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t imagine how you feel,\u201d which Carlstrom says is usually helpful. You can also offer a hug.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cTears come and that\u2019s okay ? don\u2019t try to stop the tears,\u201d she explained. \u201cThey have a purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe biggest issue with grief and when you lose something is you feel like life is out of control,\u201d Reidenberg said.<\/p>\n
Often times it may feel helpful to reach out and suggest making plans, like going out to a restaurant or a movie. You may feel like the grieving person can\u2019t do it, so it\u2019s up to you to make all the decisions instead.\u00a0But this is a bad pattern, Reidenberg explains.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not helpful to the grieving person because it\u2019s someone else literally controlling everything,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
Rather than calling all the shots, ask your friend what would work best for them: Lunch or dinner? A movie or a walk? Rework your schedule around them and you empower the person who is grieving to shape the plan, Reidenberg says. Life feels like it\u2019s been turned upside down, but this small act gives your friend some authority.<\/p>\n
There is a strong body of research<\/a> which supports the role of animal companions to assist in bereavement.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cDogs have an amazing sense around sadness,\u201d Reidenberg said. But those who are grieving do not need to go as far as formal pet therapy or even adopting their own dog.\u00a0Even some quality time with a friend\u2019s cat or a trip to the dog park might work.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnytime you can bring a puppy around or a dog around, people really do brighten up,\u201d Reidenberg explained.<\/p>\n
Men and women expressing their emotions differently<\/a> is nothing new, but a helpful reminder about what you could expect.\u00a0Males and females tend to grieve differently.<\/p>\n
Females might be willing to open up more than men, while men tend to isolate themselves more, use more alcohol and even express their grief in the form of irritability, according to Reidenberg.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Watch for signs of\u00a0\u201ccomplicated grief<\/a>,\u201d a process in which the grieving person could become depressed or suicidal, Reidenberg advised.\u00a0<\/p>\n
If your friend is not participating in the regular events of daily life, quits or loses their job or pushes away other relationships, this may be an indicator that something more serious is occurring. If you notice this happening, talk to your friend and suggest putting him or her in touch with a grief counselor for additional support and treatment.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Ultimately, it helps to just show up.<\/p>\n
\u201cGrievers feel incredibly isolated and are not likely to reach out to say so, but grievers need and want you to listen,\u201d Carlstrom said.\u00a0\u201cThe best thing you can do is to be an engaged, nonjudgmental listener. They need to talk and share their memories out loud.\u201d<\/p>\n
And if other friends ask about how your grieving friend is doing, be honest. If they\u2019re really struggling,\u00a0people should know so they can help, too.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe most important thing is that people know the truth,\u201d Reidenberg says. \u201cIf we minimize how hard the grief has hit the person, we aren\u2019t doing them any favors by glossing it over to others. We want their network of support people to know what\u2019s really going on.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
1. Remember there is no right way to grieve. \u201cThe first thing to know is that everyone grieves differently,\u201d Dan Reidenberg, executive director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Education\u00a0and chair of the American Psychotherapy Association told The Huffington Post. \u201cSome people grieve very hard, very quickly and then move on,\u201d he continued. \u201cSome people grieve Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-133983","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133983","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=133983"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133983\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=133983"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=133983"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=133983"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}