I wasn\u2019t given much of an explanation as to why she decided to end things, beyond some fairly nebulous reasons that her career was starting to take off, and that we don\u2019t really hang out with the same friends, and no there wasn\u2019t somebody else she was seeing, and yes I\u2019ve been a perfectly good boyfriend… It didn\u2019t really matter at that point. I was served a battering-ram sized emotional gut-punch. All I could think about was every moment in our relationship where she made me feel small, unaccomplished, unwanted, ugly and how I allowed that behavior to happen. I felt shame about who I was, allowing myself to be treated this way, yet also feeling like I still somehow deserved this. I don\u2019t remember a whole lot after that, beyond having a complete emotional breakdown outside of our apartment, and eventually ending up in a park about a half-hour walk from where I lived. What I do mainly remember were incredibly distinct thoughts of feeling utterly defeated and lost. I remember trying to fight back against my own lungs, which seemed to have a mind of their own and decided it was as good a time as any to start hyperventilating. I remembered an old bad joke I\u2019d tell myself now and then, about how if I were dead that at least I\u2019d finally be able to stop worrying about deadlines, student loans and bills. Except this time, it returned as a demand, an ugly force that would not be denied. That phantom had finally caught up with me, put its cold hand on my shoulder. I was utterly lost with no direction, weak and defenseless, shaking and scared. The idea of a quick exit was near impossible to deny. Eventually, two of my friends found me in the park, huddled, shaking and crying by myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wasn\u2019t given much of an explanation as to why she decided to end things, beyond some fairly nebulous reasons that her career was starting to take off, and that we don\u2019t really hang out with the same friends, and no there wasn\u2019t somebody else she was seeing, and yes I\u2019ve been a perfectly good Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-204118","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/204118","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=204118"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/204118\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=204118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=204118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=204118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}