{"id":96529,"date":"2016-07-21T14:50:58","date_gmt":"2016-07-21T14:50:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/4-black-women-writers-get-honest-about-mental-illness-and-race\/"},"modified":"2016-07-21T14:50:58","modified_gmt":"2016-07-21T14:50:58","slug":"4-black-women-writers-get-honest-about-mental-illness-and-race","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/4-black-women-writers-get-honest-about-mental-illness-and-race\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Black Women Writers Get Honest About Mental Illness And Race"},"content":{"rendered":"

Now, I have a lot of those things and I\u2019ve realized that happiness isn\u2019t conditional, it doesn\u2019t depend on the external. It\u2019s kind of a horrifying realization for me. <\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, someone on Facebook posted a video where a man was talking about how people who \u201cclaim\u201d to be depressed shouldn\u2019t let their depression define them. Instead, he said, we should pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and understand that our mental health is all about choosing the right, positive thoughts. That frustrates me, because that\u2019s something that I try to do every day, and it helps, but it isn\u2019t as simple as that. I\u2019ve had to accept, am learning to accept, the idea that my illness is just that ? an illness that I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life, if I don\u2019t succumb to suicide. <\/span><\/p>\n

I have my good days and my bad days, but ultimately I\u2019m probably always going to feel suicidal, feel hopeless, feel tired of being alive. I have to work extra hard to \u201cfunction.\u201d That\u2019s my life. <\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot of joy in my life, a lot of great people and great things, but depression and anxiety is a part of it and I want to get to a place where I\u2019m well, yes, but where I also don\u2019t beat myself up for being unable to \u201cthink good thoughts.\u201d Where are you all with this, with \u201caccepting\u201d your illness for what it is?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

MB:<\/strong> My depression is very on and off. Currently I am on medication for managing my depression and it was a necessary decision for my survival. To say that I expect to be on meds the rest of my life ? no I don\u2019t. I also don\u2019t really feel like this is going to be a \u201cforever\u201d thing for me honestly. Maybe I am just being hopeful. But I haven\u2019t fully accepted that I am always going to have this struggle. Right now the meds are helping me function at a higher capacity, and I am praying that when I choose to wean off the meds I will have the right skills in my self-care toolbox to help me through my rough patches. But I am also aware that if I need to put myself back through therapy, and on meds, then I will always do what is necessary for my wellbeing. <\/span><\/p>\n

So though I have fully accepted what my struggles are,\u00a0I have not accepted it as a lifelong condition. However, I am very much aware that I will spend the rest of my life prone to depression. But is there a difference? Is this denial? What do the rest of you think as Zeba mentioned about \u201caccepting\u201d your illness?<\/strong><\/p>\n

AB: <\/strong>My first time in the mental hospital I was 13 years old so I have been dealing with bipolar disorder (although my diagnosis changed for a bit) for a long time. I\u2019m in my late 20s now and I am definitely at a point where I accept my illness as a part of who I am. Although I do still slip into beating myself up for not being positive enough, for mistakes I\u2019ve made, for when my depression consumes me. It\u2019s not perfect and I have a lot of work to do, but I am doing much better than I was doing even just a year before. It\u2019s a day-to-day struggle to keep the balance and treat myself with kindness. <\/span><\/p>\n

This roundtable has been really interesting since it has led me to reconsider my stance on not talking and writing much about living with mental illness as a black woman online anymore. <\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe taking up space and providing an example of what it means to survive with this holds enough value to outweigh the risks. Maybe being vulnerable and open in our writing gives us a chance to transcend the (at times self-imposed) isolation that my mind tricks us into doing.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now, I have a lot of those things and I\u2019ve realized that happiness isn\u2019t conditional, it doesn\u2019t depend on the external. It\u2019s kind of a horrifying realization for me. Recently, someone on Facebook posted a video where a man was talking about how people who \u201cclaim\u201d to be depressed shouldn\u2019t let their depression define them. Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-96529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96529","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=96529"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96529\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96529"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=96529"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/i\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=96529"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}