A mother has told how she wishes she had the power to end her husband’s life – after he was involved in a car crash which has seen him hospitalised for a year and a ‘shell’ of his former self.
In July 2015, Lindsey Briggs’ husband of 15 years and the father of her then four-year-old daughter, Ella, was knocked from his motorbike in a horror crash which nearly killed him.
Against the odds, Paul, then 42, survived, but Lindsey, 39, a medical secretary from The Wirral, Merseyside, says in many ways it has been harder than if he’d died.
Lindsey, left, holding daughter Ella, with Paul, right. In July 2015 Lindsey Briggs’ husband of 15 years and the father of her then four-year-old daughter, Ella, was knocked from his motorbike in a horror crash which nearly killed him
Against the odds, Paul, then 42, survived – but Lindsey, 39, a medical secretary from The Wirral, Merseyside, says in many ways it has been harder than if he’d died
Over the past 12 months she has had to watch Paul – a war veteran and policeman – lie in a comatose state – and if he ever does wake up he’ll be brain damaged and need round-the-clock care.
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Every day, Lindsey says she watches more of his dignity slip away from him and says it ‘kills’ her to think she is powerless to help him.
Now, she is urging other couples to discuss what they would do and make official arrangements for those wishes to be carried out – before it’s too late.
Over the last 12 months Lindsey has had to watch Paul – a war veteran and policeman – lie in a comatose state – and if he ever does wake up he’ll be brain damaged and need round the clock care
Every day, Lindsey says she watches more of his dignity slip away from him and says it ‘kills’ her to think she is powerless to help him
She said: ‘It never crossed our minds to put in writing that we’d want to do in a “worse-case scenario” should we ever end up in a similar state.
‘As a war veteran, he survived six years serving on the front line in the Gulf War and Northern Ireland before going into the police force for another 11.
‘The man I fell in love with has gone, although his body remains here – laid up in a hospital bed.
‘He is unrecognisable and would never have wanted to be kept alive this way.’
Paul with daughter Ella. She was born in 2011 and he doted on her. But their ‘perfect’ family life was shattered on 3rd July last year
As a war veteran, Paul survived six years serving on the front line in the Gulf War and Northern Ireland before going into the police force for another 11
Lindsey met Paul in 1995, when he was working with the fire service. At that point he’d just left the army, having served six years from the age of 16 as a gunner in the 32nd Regiment of the Royal Artillery and fought in the Gulf War and Northern Ireland.
She said: ‘We married five years later, and he went on to join Merseyside Police Force in 2004, becoming an advanced police driver and motorcyclist.
‘And when our beautiful daughter Ella was born in 2011 Paul doted on her.’
But their ‘perfect’ family life was shattered on 3rd July last year.
Lindsey met Paul in 1995, when he was working with the fire service. At that point he’d just left the army, having served six years from the age of 16 as a gunner in the 32nd Regiment of the Royal Artillery and fought in the Gulf War and Northern Ireland
At 8pm Lindsey kissed her husband goodbye as he took the 10-mile commute on his Yamaha FZ motorbike ahead of a night shift.
Just 90 minutes later, his colleagues arrived at her home with horrific news: Paul had been knocked from his bike on the Borough Road flyover, Birkenhead by a motorist in a Nissan Micra driving on the wrong side of the road.
Lindsey said: ‘Numb, I listened as the officers explained Paul had swerved his bike to avoid the driver but had not been quick enough, and the vehicles collided, sending him flying.’
A woman named Chelsea Rowe, then 25, was arrested at the scene.
Lindsey continued: ‘Ella and I were taken to the Trauma Unit at Aintree University Hospital where Paul had been put in a medically-induced coma with a shattered pelvis, a broken arm and leg and brain and lung injuries.
‘I sobbed as medics warned Paul was unlikely to survive the night.
‘But against the odds he did survive, though he was unresponsive when doctors tried to wake him from the coma.
‘After a week, doctors told me that, if Paul ever woke up, he would be brain-damaged and would need 24-hour care.
Lindsey and Paul on their wedding day. Although she knows that Paul would not want to be kept alive in the state he is now, she is powerless to do anything
The family at christmas. Now Ella rarely sees her father as she is unable to recognise him in the hospital bed and finds the experience scary
‘I told them I knew my Paul would never wish to be kept alive in such a state. They tried to keep my spirits up by assuring me it was still early on in his recovery.’
Gently, medics explained that without an advance directive Lindsey couldn’t make that call.
She said: ‘As a medical secretary, I’d heard of advance directives before but I’d never really thought about writing one. I never thought I’d need to.
‘I’d hoped that as Paul’s wife and next of kin I had the power to decide.’
As the months went on, Lindsey tried to adjust to life as a single working mum, juggling work with supporting their daughter and managing her own grief – while visiting her husband every day.
She added: ‘I rarely took Ella to see her daddy as she didn’t recognise him and found it scary. The silent, still man she saw didn’t match up to the loving father who would put her on his shoulders and give her cuddles.
‘I felt like we were living in limbo, unable to grieve for Paul because his body was still there.’
In March, Chelsea Rowe, 26, from Prenton, entered a not guilty plea to causing serious injury by dangerous driving at Liverpool Crown Court, and was due to face trial in August.
However, last month she changed her plea to guilty and will be sentenced next month.
Lindsey is currently writing an advance directive of her own to give to her daughter in case anything happens to her – and she stresses that other couples should do what she did not
Lindsey said: ‘We hope justice will be served – but nothing will restore Paul to the man he was.
‘Which is why I’ve set up a blog in Paul’s memory. I want people to remember him as a soldier, dedicated policeman and loving husband and father.’
She is also currently writing an advance directive of her own – to protect her daughter.
Lindsey added: ‘I can’t stress enough to other couples to do the same. You might have spoken your wishes to loved-ones, but it means nothing unless you write it down.’
Lindsey has started a blog about Paul’s accident here: paulbriggs.org
WHAT IS AN ADVANCE DECISION?
An advance decision is a decision you can make now to not be given a specific type of treatment at some point in the future.
It lets your family and health professionals know your wishes about future treatments in case you are unable to communicate them yourself.
All treatments you want to refuse must be named in the advance decision. Examples could be being given antibiotics or being given help to breathe using a ventilator.
The decision must be made by you and needs to be written down and signed by you and a witness.
It will only be used in the future if you do not have the mental capacity to decide how you wish to be treated.