10 Subtle Ways to Tell Your Mom She Needs a Makeover

It’s basically written in the mother-daughter code that you won’t always love your mom’s look. Maybe it’s her obsession with kitten sweatshirts, her dated ‘do, or her “pilgrim Addams family outfits,” like Kim Kardashian recently labeled Kris Jenner’s style. Or maybe it’s just her propensity for preppy sweater sets, pearls, and khakis. Whatever it is, you’re occasionally going to decide that her style needs a serious upgrade.

Unfortunately, actually making over your mom is a completely different story. You don’t want to go all “Fashion Police” on her, but you also want to protect yourself and the general public from her chest-high mom jeans. (Harsh? Maybe, but, you know…)

I used the blunt Kim Kardashian approach when I told my mom that her pants could stand to be about three inches longer and that she should rethink her bikini choices. And oh, by the way—wearing tops emblazoned with apples and blackboards are only cool at an ugly sweater party. Yeah, that didn’t go over well. In my defense, I was a teenager, but still.

Thing is, while that method gets the message across, it’s kind of…super bitchy. (I know that now.) Luckily, marriage and family therapist Lisa Bahar says there are subtle ways to tell your mom she needs a makeover without getting disowned in the process. Here’s how.

1. Look for an Opening
When your mom compliments your hair/necklace/shoes—and she will, it’s what moms do—you’ve got an in. Tell her how pretty she’d look in your scarf, too, and encourage her to try it on. “The goal is to avoid judging or criticizing,” says Bahar. So while you may be tempted to say, “What? Oh, sorry—I was distracted by the glare from your Rainbow Brite top,” it’s best to gently pay it forward.

2. Play Up the Good Stuff
No matter how hideous you consider her style, there’s got to be something you can compliment. While my mom used to wear turtleneck dickies on the regular, she’s always been drop-dead gorgeous. Instead of going all attack mode on her, Bahar says I could have told her how great her figure looks in shift dresses or how pretty her eyes are when she pulls her hair back. The goal is to admire and validate what your mom does well now…even if you have to think on it for a bit.

3. Plant Fashion Inspiration
Weird! You have no idea why she suddenly started receiving subscriptions to the best style magazines! And that’s so strange that her laptop background now rotates cute fashion pics from Pinterest! But, wow, she’d look so good in those outfits!

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4. Plan a Salon Day
You can get pedis and you might as well get haircuts and have someone do your makeup for you. I mean, since you’re already there. Your mom is in it to hang out with you and create a memory, says Bahar, so she should be down to spend some time at a salon. Since stylists are experts at steering people in the right direction, let someone else do your dirty work. Mention a style you think would suit her, sit back, smile, and nod. Then, rave about the end result.

5. Offer to Help “Clean Out” Her Closet
A.K.A., “help get rid of all of the crap she’s been holding onto for way too long.” A subtle approach is key to getting your mom to buy into the idea of a makeover, says Bahar. So while you’re sifting through her stuff, you can casually sneak in a comment that mock turtlenecks aren’t as big these days or that maybe it’s time to let her favorite “Crocodile Dundee” hat go.

6. Start Spouting Out “I Read That…” on Repeat
Like, “I read that dark wash jeans are really flattering,” or “…color-blocking is slimming” or “…no one in their right mind would be caught dead in a fanny pack and visor.” Okay, maybe not the last one, but you get the point. Saying “I read that” puts a layer between you and the advice, so it’s not like you’re telling her what she should wear. I mean, you just happened to read it.

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7. Ask to Go Shopping with Her
This is what you’ve been waiting for—your chance to build something from the ground up! Get ‘em, girl!!! Unfortunately…Bahar says it’ll go over better if you let your mom choose where you shop, even if it’s a discount warehouse currently offering a buy one, get one free sale on polyester pants. If that’s what your mom prefers, guide her by grabbing lunch first near some boutique-y shops or a mall, and talk about the cute stuff you see in the windows. Then, pop into a few after you eat to look around.

8. Use the “Just Try It on” Tactic
My mom used to use this on me when I was a teenager, and it’s freaking genius. If your mom balks at an outfit that you know would look amazing on her, say, “Just try it on for me!” When she reluctantly puts it on, gush about how amazing she looks. Then, encourage her to look at herself in the full-length mirror outside the dressing room where a saleswoman is conveniently hanging out—she’ll back you up. It’s a perfect psychological trick that actually works: When a few people tell you that you look fantastic, you start to believe it. And that’s how I ended up with more than a few dresses that would have put Shirley Temple to shame.

9. Buy New Stuff for Her
If all else fails, start gifting your mom with new clothes. She’ll feel obligated to wear them, at least when you’re around, and will eventually start to feel more confident in them. Being patient with the process is key, says Bahar—it’s pretty unlikely that your mom is going to start dressing like Helen Mirren overnight. But down the road…you never know.

10. Set Fire to Her Closet
Just kidding! Kind of…

All gifs courtesy of giphy.com

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