<\/p>\n
I talk up sobriety. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because 99.9 percent of the time it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s amazing, and it has definitely transformed my life. I want more people to know how great it is so they can try it themselves. But I wanted to get real for a minute in this post because I want people to know that being sober isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t always easy. Sometimes it can be hard. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not to say it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s impossible or that you shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t try this way of life, but just like in life, there are good days and bad. These are the hardest parts about being sober.<\/p>\n
1. Setting boundaries<\/strong><\/p>\n When I was using I had no boundaries. I used people and people used me. I had \u00e2\u20ac\u0153friendships\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153relationships\u00e2\u20ac\u009d with people who I had nothing in common with and who I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even like! I would ditch loyal lifelong friends for whoever was my person at the moment. I got metaphorically high off of keeping the rolodex of people in my life straight and when one person wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t giving me what I wanted it was on to the next. In sobriety I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had to try hard to put up and keep boundaries. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve learned that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t HAVE to be best friends with everyone that attempts to be in my life and that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ok. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve also learned that people change and grow in opposite directions and that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not necessarily a bad thing. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard navigating my way through boundary settings and the guilt I feel when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not acting the way someone thinks I should be acting or living up to the expectations others have set for me. Staying true to myself and my intuition helps. Like a wise friend told me recently, if someone isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t making you feel good \u00e2\u20ac\u201d maybe it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time to reevaluate if they should be in your life or not \u00e2\u20ac\u201d stop letting them inadvertently hurt you. This life isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a game for me, I stopped playing games when I got sober and sometimes I have to remind myself drama can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t happen if I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t engage.<\/p>\n 2. Understanding gray areas<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a person that is fully supportive of people being themselves and living their truths. But where is the line between someone just being who they are and being an asshole? There are a lot of gray areas and this is something I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve come to understand in sobriety. Gray areas are especially difficult to me because I am a Gemini and love to look at the world in black and white: Yes or no, wrong or right, good or bad \u00e2\u20ac\u201d there are no in betweens. A blind assumption I had when I first got sober was that other people who are sober are nice people who are (like me) no longer sick. Big mistake that was! Did you know just because you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in recovery doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not an asshole? And just because you might be working a 12-step program doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not still sick? Mind blown. I quickly readied myself when someone told me in early recovery that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153once you start getting well, you realize how sick everyone else is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d But I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know this meant sober people too. On a lot of days this is hard for me to accept.<\/p>\n Another part to gray areas is seeing others points of views while still holding strong to my beliefs. I can express my views calmly and in an intelligent manner. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to be an a-hole and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to retaliate if someone is being like that to me (like I have done in the past). For example, when I quit my 9 to 5 job in March I felt like I was being treated unfairly by a manager and all I wanted was to be able to explain myself to my boss but I never got that chance. We agreed it was best for both sides if I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work there anymore and I never got to stand up for myself like I wanted. I often wonder if I had told my side of the story, would it have changed anything? Leaving it at that gray area is exceptionally hard for me, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something I am learning to do in sobriety.<\/p>\n 3. Flashbacks of your former life<\/strong><\/p>\n Forgiveness. Why is forgiving yourself so damn hard?! One of the hardest parts of my own recovery is making peace with my past and who I was during active addiction. Flashbacks of blackouts and bad decisions still haunt me to this day. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll go through periods of feeling fine and being really confident that I am a good person and knowing that before I was hurting and my actions were a result of my disease. Then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have days where I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll remember specific moments and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll make me physically ill and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll think how could I have done that? What was I thinking? Will I have to feel this way for the rest of my life? These feelings are what make some people pick up a drink or a drug, so far I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t, and I know that eventually those feelings pass, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still hard. Forgiveness is an ongoing process I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be doing for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n 4. Finding balance<\/strong><\/p>\n Balance \u00e2\u20ac\u201d that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a funny word that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never really liked. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s another hard part about being sober. For someone like me who always wanted more, more, more when it came to drugs, alcohol, men, and life, balance is a foreign concept. This has been ringing even more true for me in the exercise area. You all know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had 6 knee surgeries and soccer is like breathing to me. Having to turn down teams and games because of knee pain and sickness is so incredibly hard for me! But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m learning it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all about balance \u00e2\u20ac\u201d physically, emotionally, spiritually \u00e2\u20ac\u201d and that is difficult. When you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had balance all your life it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kind of unrealistic to expect that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have it all figured out in two years of sobriety \u00e2\u20ac\u201d which brings me to my next hardship.<\/p>\n 5. Managing expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n Expectations are the devil aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t they? I know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not the only one when I say I play out every situation in my head thinking about the way I want it to go and how everyone should act. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know what expectations were until I got sober. When I was using I had unrealistic expectations for everyone, including myself, and I was sorely disappointed when things didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go my way. These feelings of disappointment and anger drove me to drink (among other things.) It also put me into a state of constant despair and feeling as though no one understood me and I would never be satisfied (and I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t). Living sober I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had to learn about expectations, where they come from, and why I have them. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve learned life will never go exactly how I expect it to and that if I want to be happy I need to give up my expectations. This is extremely difficult for me, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m learning and life is getting better as I do.<\/p>\n Mostly being sober is nothing short of amazing, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not always easy. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a constant process of self-growth and discovery. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had to revaluate my entire way of living and coping, and sometimes it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard. Despite all of that I would take the relearning and discovering myself over dependence on drugs and alcohol any day. I still get to wake up every morning free from hangovers and the shame of last night. I am willing to put the work in for my sobriety because the pain from growing is healthy and rewarding, while the pain from active addiction is a dark, shameful cycle that can end in death.<\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve said it before and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll say it again \u00e2\u20ac\u201d sobriety can be hard, but it is ALWAYS worth it!<\/p>\n This post was originally published on The Adventures Of The Sober Se\u00c3\u00b1orita.<\/em><\/p>\n Need help with substance abuse or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 800-662-HELP (4357) for\u00c2\u00a0the SAMHSA National Helpline.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I talk up sobriety. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because 99.9 percent of the time it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s amazing, and it has definitely transformed my life. I want more people to know how great it is so they can try it themselves. But I wanted to get real for a minute in this post because I want people to know that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26364\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}