{"id":37280,"date":"2016-04-21T07:21:02","date_gmt":"2016-04-21T07:21:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/8-signs-that-nice-guy-is-actually-a-jerk-in-disguise\/"},"modified":"2016-04-21T07:21:02","modified_gmt":"2016-04-21T07:21:02","slug":"8-signs-that-nice-guy-is-actually-a-jerk-in-disguise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/8-signs-that-nice-guy-is-actually-a-jerk-in-disguise\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Signs That Nice Guy Is Actually a Jerk in Disguise"},"content":{"rendered":"
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RELATED:\u00c2\u00a010 Women Share the Moment They Knew He Wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the One<\/h3>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You want to watch for patterns,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says\u00c2\u00a0therapist and relationship expert\u00c2\u00a0Julie Hanks, Ph.D., owner and director of Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah, and author of The Burnout Cure<\/em>.\u00c2\u00a0\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We all behave in unhealthy or manipulative ways once in awhile, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s problematic when there are consistent patterns of behavior that don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel quite right.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Here are eight warning signs that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a not-so-nice guy lurking beneath the surface:<\/p>\n

1. He Says Mean Things in a Nice Way<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If he says unkind or hurtful things to you couched in a kind voice, or in the name of \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just being honest,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still mean,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Hanks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or, if he makes cutting or belittling comments and then laughs it off by saying \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI was only joking! Why do you take things so seriously?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 he just may be a jerk in disguise.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

RELATED:\u00c2\u00a0This 79-Year-Old Celibate Man Just Dropped Some Pretty Solid Relationship Advice<\/h3>\n

2. He Pouts When You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re Busy<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You may be flattered that he wants to spend every free moment with you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Hanks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But how does he respond when you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t available? A great guy will be able to express disappointment and that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll miss you. A jerk in disguise will pout and give you a cold shoulder or a guilt trip for choosing someone else over him.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

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\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If he makes cutting or belittling comments and then laughs it off by saying \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI was only joking! Why do you take things so seriously?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 he just may be a jerk in disguise.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

3. He Keeps Buying You Nice Things\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6That Really Aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Your Style<\/span><\/p>\n

If he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s buying you lavish gifts that totally don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fit your look, there might be reason to question his motives. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He may be a jerk who is trying to change your appearance under the guise of generosity,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says\u00c2\u00a0Hanks.<\/p>\n

RELATED: 5 Makeup Sex Habits That Are Seriously Screwing You Over\u00c2\u00a0<\/h3>\n

4. He Defers to You in All Decisions<\/span><\/p>\n

This might seem super thoughtful at first, but Hanks says it can actually be a big red flag. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If he always wants you to decide things\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhere to go, what to do\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat is a warning sign,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Healthy people are able to both express their own wants and also consider the input of their date or girlfriend. If a guy agrees with everything you think, or say, or do, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s either not being genuine or doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a good sense of who he is\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand may look to you to prop him up or inflate his self-worth.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

5. He Talks Trash About Ex-Girlfriends<\/span><\/p>\n

This is kind of similar to that advice about never dating a cheater. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s really nice to you, but trash talks all of his past girlfriends and blames them for their breakup,\u00c2\u00a0he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll probably talk poorly about you and blame you, too, if things don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work out,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Hanks. There are two sides to every story, and someone who paints themselves as the victim in every break-up they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever had is likely not telling the whole truth.<\/p>\n

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<\/figcaption><\/p>\n

6. He Keeps Tabs on You<\/span><\/p>\n

Communicating via little love notes and occasional check-ins when you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re apart can be an important part of a healthy relationship. But if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s constantly keeping tabs on you, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That could be a sign of jealousy and insecurity\u00e2\u20ac\u201deven if he couches it in the name of love,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hanks says.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

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\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If a guy agrees with everything you think or say or do, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s either not being genuine, or doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a good sense of who he is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

7. He Has Strained Relationships with Other Women in His Life<\/span><\/p>\n

If he treats other women in his life poorly, or speaks about them disrespectfully, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a clear indicator that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s likely a jerk lurking under that nice exterior. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If he has a pattern of strained, negative, or disconnected relationships with other women, but claims to adore you, proceed with caution,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Hanks.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

RELATED:\u00c2\u00a0WHAT GUYS THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY TO THEM<\/h3>\n

8. He Shows No Other Emotions<\/span><\/p>\n

No one feels nice all the time. Failure to express other emotions can be a major warning sign. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Excessive niceness can be a cover for a lack of a secure sense of self and emotionally neediness,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hanks says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Healthy adults can express a full range of emotion\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhappy, mad, sad, scared, surprise, shame\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to hide behind a facade of niceness.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Ultimately, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to learn to trust your gut. If your instincts are telling you that something about him feels off, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t disregard that feeling.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

RELATED:\u00c2\u00a010 Women Share the Moment They Knew He Wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the One \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You want to watch for patterns,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says\u00c2\u00a0therapist and relationship expert\u00c2\u00a0Julie Hanks, Ph.D., owner and director of Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah, and author of The Burnout Cure.\u00c2\u00a0\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We all behave in unhealthy or manipulative ways once in awhile, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s problematic when […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37280","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37280"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37280\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37280"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37280"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/healthmedicinet.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37280"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}