Flirting is often seen as playful behavior that signals interest to a potential partner. But according to new research, there is much more to the teasing, light-hearted conversation and coquettish glances than meets the eye. Flirting is also used as a tool to get what we want, not just a way to start a new romance. And some ways people flirt are shaped by their personality traits.
In a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, researchers from the University of Alabama and the University of Connecticut surveyed 955 participants about their flirting habits.
But they didn’t just take their word for it. They also asked nearly 2,000 “informants” (friends or acquaintances of the participants) for their opinions. The researchers then used this information to measure how often people flirt and how skilled they are across seven social settings, including work, on a date, and at parties.
Dark versus light
The team discovered that people with darker personality traits (narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy) were more likely to use flirting as a tactical weapon to get what they want, such as promotion at work or a free drink. However, there was a slight exception for narcissists who might just love the attention of others rather than having a transactional goal in mind.
People with light personality traits (like humanism and faith in humanity), on the other hand, were overall less likely to flirt to get things, as they value genuine connection over personal gain.
In general, women were more likely than men to use instrumental flirting. The researchers suggest this may be because women are more frequently the recipients of rewards in social settings, such as free drinks in a bar, and because women are more successful at this type of flirting than men.
Environment matters
The study authors also found that, when it comes to flirting to make a connection, the setting appeared to matter more than personality. They believe this is because when we are looking to connect, we are more influenced by the vibe of the environment than by our personality traits.
Ultimately, these findings help us understand more about why and how other people flirt and provide a window into their character. The researchers note that their “results offer unique insight into the personality factors that influence flirting motives, suggest that flirting can serve a personality-expressive function, and suggest utility in examining flirting behavior from an individual-difference perspective.”
Written for you by our author Paul Arnold, edited by Gaby Clark, —this article is the result of careful human work. We rely on readers like you to keep independent science journalism alive.
If this reporting matters to you,
please consider a donation (especially monthly).
You’ll get an ad-free account as a thank-you.
Publication details
Braden T. Hall et al, Flirting for me or flirting for we? The Dark and Light Triads as predictors of flirting motive, Personality and Individual Differences (2026). DOI: 10.1016/j.paid.2025.113565
The content is provided for information purposes only.