HMN 2025: Is it safe to hold hands in public? Not suitable for LGBT+ couples

When a heterosexual couple holds hands in public, onlookers may think: It’s really sweet. they are in love. However, when LGBT+ couples engage in public displays of affection (PDA), such as kissing and holding hands on the street, they risk ridicule, abuse and assault.

In recent years, the LGBT+ population has become more visible, more fully integrated into Western culture, more likely to marry same-sex partners, and more culturally and politically active.We are queer. We are here. Take care of it. But for LGBT+ couples, the innocent gesture of holding hands in public can still be anxiety-inducing and physically dangerous.

This is exactly what British researchers found in recent interviews with a sample of LGBT+ individuals. While straight couples take it for granted to hold hands in public, LGBT+ couples have to go through a complex decision-making process before holding hands in public. In a 2017 survey of more than 108,000 LGBT+ people in the UK, two-thirds said: absoluteness Hold hands with your partner in public. There is no reason to believe that the situation in the United States is much different.

It offers more legal protection but carries more risk.

In the US and UK, LGBT+ populations have more legal protections than ever before. But ironically, anti-LGBT+ hate crimes have increased by more than 30% since 1990, perhaps triggered by the increased visibility of the LGBT+ community. Psychologists argue that the constant threat of harassment and assault is one of the reasons why LGBT+ people suffer unusually high levels of psychological distress and experience disproportionate risks of anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse.

LGBT+ people who identify as male are at particularly high risk of assault. Psychologists and criminologists agree that this reflects vigilante ‘gender policing’ by heterosexual men who believe that the very presence of LGBT+ men threatens their masculinity.

research

In 2019, a young adult lesbian couple dared to express their affection for each other on a London bus. A group of boys bullied and attacked them, leaving them traumatized, injured and bleeding. Photos of the bleeding couple were scattered across social media around the world. The attack was notable for its brutality, but was not at all surprising to those who identify as LGBT+.

Following this attack, researchers from the University of Exeter in Colchester, England, asked 27 LGBT+ individuals how they deal with PDA. Participants ranged in age from 26 to 59 and included 11 lesbians, 13 gay men, and 3 non-binary people.

Multiple coping strategies

Most LGBT+ people adopt four strategies when it comes to PDA:

1. Safe and unsafe places: Study participants were well aware of the difference between places where it is safe to express affection (their home, a friend’s house, a Pride parade) and places where it is not safe (most public places). One person explained it this way: “It’s not safe to show affection out in the world. But the moment I get in the car and close the door, I think, ‘Oh, I can spend it sweetly because no one is watching.’”

“When I talk to my wife at home, we often hold hands. It’s safe at home. But when we go out, especially to new places, we are always anxious and always mentally ready for a fight.”

2. Boundary: LGBT+ people have a keen eye for public situations that can be threatening. “When I’m being affectionate with my partner in public, I’m always on guard, hyper-vigilant, holding hands and wondering. What should I do if someone comes behind us and I don’t see them? That gets in the way of enjoying the moment.”

“I have an extreme sense that if I hold my husband’s hand in a crowded space, someone might notice. I am particularly familiar with this group of young men. “It fills me with sadness because we don’t usually hold hands in public.”

3. Prohibited: Discretion is the rule. “We always hide it. One time we were in a subway station and my partner was behind me. I put my hand next to his and he took it. We were hidden, not open. It’s not something we should necessarily be afraid or ashamed of. We just don’t want any hassle.”

Another netizen said, “When the other person returns from a business trip and I pick them up, it’s natural to want to kiss and hug them. I would like to, but I don’t. I always wait until we get in the car. “I am protected.”

“We attended my partner’s father’s funeral. I felt like I couldn’t hold his hand for fear of offending someone or attracting unwanted attention. “I touched my hand very briefly during the ceremony and that was all,” he said.

“It’s like I’m wearing armor. Emotionally, I want to express my affection publicly, but I do it privately. “It’s like a prison.”

4. Negotiation: Many LGBT+ couples disagree about how much affection they should show in public. One feels more comfortable than the other. The person reaches out to hold the hand, but the more inhibited partner neither grasps the hand nor pushes it away. One person explained it this way: “I was walking with my girlfriend when some people yelled at us, ‘Dykes!’ I wanted to drop her hand. But my partner wouldn’t let go.”

Study participants also expressed surprise and relief when no one challenged the PDA. “For a change, we walked our dogs to new areas and held hands despite the potential for confrontation. “No one batted an eye.”

“Sometimes people actually perceive our hand holding in a positive way. We smiled at other same-sex couples as well as children and teenagers. I’ll give you that smile back. Growing up, I had no gay role models. So it’s important to me to stand out and be the person I wanted to be when I was young.”

Annual Pride Parade: More than just a parade

LGBT+ people spend their lives making complex and anxiety-inducing decisions to avoid homophobia and transphobia. Today, this politicizes holding hands and making decisions, thereby declaring LGBT+ pride.

As a result, the hundreds of annual Pride parades around the world often feel like little more than a celebration of LGBT+ dignity and community. Pride parades also provide the LGBT+ population with a rare, safe outdoor space where they can express their affection openly and freely.

Next time you see an LGBT+ couple holding hands, please support them. Smile or nod. Or say something like this: You are beautiful. love is beautiful.

Everyone should be able to hold hands in public without fear of harassment or violence.