HMN 2025: Why we need to talk to young people about emotions

When parents notice that their teen or young adult doesn’t understand or doesn’t know how to express their feelings, they often encourage their child to see me. They worry about how this will affect their future relationships and their ability to handle stressful and high-pressure situations. Parents understand its importance. But the teenager or young adult sitting across from me rarely does.

Many of my young clients struggle with emotions, from identifying their feelings to having the vocabulary to share them. I’ve had countless teens and young adults tell me that talking about their feelings makes them feel worse or is a sign of weakness. We’ll then teach you how to hide or avoid your emotions and what to do when you can’t anymore (spoiler alert: this is never healthy). It takes some time and a lot of open-ended questions based on curiosity to make them realize the importance of talking about their feelings, but I am always there for them every step of the way.

Emotional awareness leads to self-regulation

Self-awareness and self-regulation are closely linked, and we cannot regulate what we do not understand. If teens don’t understand the emotions they’re experiencing, it’s more difficult to manage those emotions. And if you can’t manage (aka regulate) it, you’ll end up numbing yourself to uncomfortable and difficult feelings. This may mean dependence on alcohol, drugs, or other substances. It may also mean shutting down completely or engaging in other self-harming behaviors.

In contrast, excessive awareness without regulation will lead to anxiety and depression. A balance between the two is needed. Researchers have found that teens are hyperfocused on their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, but if they can’t control them, they can’t help themselves. You are likely to feel worse. They are likely to be stuck in a negative emotional state, replaying the situation in their head and unable to move on to something more productive or helpful. However, if your teen understands his or her own feelings, thoughts, and actions, negative mood states can be corrected. Restoring negative mood states can help people better cope with stressful events and minimize negative thoughts (Armstrong, Galligan, and Critchley 2011).

How Emotional Awareness Helps Teens

Emotional awareness helps young people’s communication skills and strengthens relationships. Being aware of your emotions will make you more capable of communicating effectively with colleagues and handling interpersonal problems and conflicts as they arise. Teens without emotional awareness may overreact to friend problems, leading to further conflict, or act closed-off in the face of disagreements, ultimately causing their friends to become confused and distant.

Additionally, emotionally well-informed young people tend to experience more social connectedness. They can feel and express empathy for others, which can lead to closer relationships. And they are more understanding when others are going through difficult emotions or moods because they know what it is like to experience emotions rather than shutting them down. They can’t get carried away with someone else’s emotional rollercoaster or take it too personally.

When young people learn how to identify and discuss their emotions, they can also build resilience to deal with challenges and adversity. Emotional awareness helps you recognize and deal with stress, which in turn strengthens your problem-solving skills and increases your confidence. And by expressing your feelings, you are more likely to seek support, achieve balance, and build trusting relationships.

How to Encourage Emotional Awareness

• Start by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. Imagine if your teen left the door ajar every time he shared something with you. Your job is to encourage them to open their doors wider rather than slam them shut. By asking questions out of curiosity rather than jumping in with opinions, advice, or problem solving, you help them open the door a little more.
• Integrate emotional vocabulary into your family culture. If you need to, you can print the emotion wheel online and post it on the refrigerator, or purchase emotion word flashcards so everyone can learn how to name their emotions. Use more complex emotion words to describe your observations of your child’s emotions, and regularly ask them to describe their emotional states.
• As a parent or guardian, model emotional expression. Young people do not exist in a vacuum, and if you don’t talk about your feelings directly, it will be harder for them to learn. Share your feelings every day and discuss the positive, the negative, the simple and the complex. If you have a partner or co-parent, make sure you are practicing expressing your emotions in healthy ways in front of your teenager as well.

In a world where emotions are often misunderstood or ignored, teaching young people to identify, express and regulate their emotions is essential for their happiness and future success. Emotional awareness strengthens communication skills, deepens relationships, and builds resilience in dealing with life’s challenges. Give teens the tools to deal with stress, solve problems, and seek support when they need it. By creating a safe, emotionally expressive environment and modeling healthy emotional habits, parents and caregivers can help their teens develop the balance of self-awareness and self-regulation they need to thrive. Talking about your feelings is not a sign of weakness, but a foundation of strength.