6 Things Christians Should Stop Saying To People Who Doubt

“You just want to have sex / drink alcohol, etc.”

These kinds of comments are offensive because they reduce a spiritual journey that is often life-changing and transformative to something done merely as an act of rebellion.

These statements are also dismissive of the experience of doubt as a whole, since they make it seem that the questioning person knows in his or her “heart of hearts” that God is real, but is just finding an excuse to live the way he or she wants to live.

Mike McHargue, author the upcoming book Finding God in the Waves, told HuffPost that he’s had people ask him, “Do you have an unconfessed sin problem?”

“Too often, people of faith associate doubt with some kind of hidden sin, but for many, faith starts to come apart due to an honest pursuit of truth, or because of some life trauma. Neither have anything to do with sin.”

“It’s just a phase.” / “God will show you the answer.”  / “Your eyes aren’t opened yet.”

These aren’t empty platitudes. It’s an attempt to take the seeker’s experiences and place them on a roadmap that he or she doesn’t have access to, which can feel frustrating and even patronizing. It’s assuming that you know how everything will turn out. 

Most importantly, when you think you can trace out a seeker’s faith journey and final destination, it makes it feel as if the place where that person is right now is inconsequential. 

Reba Riley, author of the book Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome, said that these kinds of phrases were frustrating to hear during a time in her life when she was exploring what faith meant to her.

“I felt either blamed, misunderstood, judged, or all of the above,” she told HuffPost. 

“You’re hurting me.” / “Why are you doing this to me?”

Guess what? This journey is not about you. People who leave their childhood faith do not purposefully set out on this path to their family or friends, or cause any shame to their communities. 

This is about one person’s struggle to find purpose and meaning, to figure out what it means to be good and what it really means to be alive. It springs from a desire to seek the truth and to live honestly. This journey is sacred, and it’s much, much bigger than your ego or reputation.