Are We Consoling Or Judging?

On the other hand, my husband’s death seemed preventable–he had a choice, and he chose the taboo one. What do you say to comfort the family of someone whose death is socially unacceptable? Most of us were taught at a young age how to minimize feelings by comparing losses. A well-meaning guest at my husband’s memorial whispered to me, “I was feeling sorry for myself when my husband died from a stroke, but at least he didn’t kill himself. Honey, how will you survive this?” By comparing our losses, she inadvertently made me feel worse.