How 7 Different Women Make Sure Money Issues Don’t Hurt Their Relationships

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1. “Getting a joint bank account was the best thing we ever did and we should’ve done it sooner. We fought a lot more about money before we got a joint account. Now, we know how much we have together, and he manages the finances because he’s a lot more on top of it than I am. As a massage therapist, his income varies week to week, but he knows about how much my nursing paychecks will be, so it’s easier to plan for expenses.”—Johanna, 31

2. “My fiancé and I have a shared account, as well as individual accounts. We each put X amount into the shared account every month, which covers the bills, plus $1,000, which we transfer at the end of the month into savings. We use the shared account for all household bills. It’s nice to have individual accounts, too, for personal expenses and to purchase one another gifts. When we met, I had a lot of debt ($10,000 in credit cards, $80,000 in student loans). A year in, he gave me a no-interest loan to pay off the credit cards, which really helped because I was barely making a dent due to interest. I pay my student loans from my individual account.”—Melissa, 36

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3. “My wife and I manage our finances the same way we manage everything else—collectively. Our family is a collective of three and our goal is to get everyone’s needs met. So we pool our income and assess our needs, we share a bank account, and we share a budget. I write the actual budget, because my wife hates doing it.”—Katherine, 30

4. “We create our budget together, but I am the manager and overseer of our finances. We sit down, usually every two months, to fill out a budget worksheet and make sure that our income is still sufficient. …We have a joint checking and savings account. We feel really strongly that a marriage is a two-become-one kind of deal and that finances play a huge part in marriage, and having a joint account is part of that. We’re also both committed to us both working and contributing to our finances, so it never feels as though one person is the ‘breadwinner.’ …But where it’s difficult for us is the fact that we have different attitudes when it comes to spending money. Though we both are thrifty and don’t want to have luxury or excess (we’d rather give to those who have none), when it comes to spending money on needed items that are expensive, my husband gets hung up on price. But in the grand scheme of financial things, I know this is minor.”—Rochelle, 33

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5. “My husband and I share our expenses. We both work, each keep our own bank accounts, and have set things we each pay for.  As independent contractors, our income is a bit flexible, so we help each other out as needed, too. I pay rent, he pays utilities and buys groceries and gas. As needed, we help each other out with credit cards and student loans. We talk about our budget regularly to plan how things will be paid. We make all large purchases together, and discuss and research things before purchasing.”—Alison, 34

6. “I’ve got a lot of hang-ups about money. I feel the need to justify every purchase, even if it’s $5. My husband will buy things at full price and never consider Googling for a coupon. He questioned a $2 purchase of mine not too long ago, and it triggered a big fight/discussion about money. He’s a mechanical engineer, and I’m a freelance writer who works part-time at Starbucks. He’s incredibly supportive, and [he’s] the person who pushed me to pursue my dreams. But with all my past money issues, it’s difficult not to feel guilty or like I’m taking advantage. And it’s difficult to trust that he’s not going to hold any of it against me. My husband pays all our bills, and the only time I’ve ever had pause about that is when I realized there’s nothing in my name. Like, if I needed a bill for the DMV, I don’t have one. We each take care of our own things, like doctor’s bills or credit cards, but it all comes from the same account.”—Nicole, 34

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7. “For the first few years of our marriage, when we had a small child and I was staying at home while my husband was working, we essentially shared finances. Now that our child is older and we are both working full-time, we are moving towards more separate finances. We have two personal accounts and a joint account, and we put an equal share of our income into the joint to pay the bills. The rest goes toward personal spending money and shared goals (paying off debt, savings) that we have agreed on. More separate finances works better for us, but it is really tricky to figure out how to do that when you have small children and one person is making all the money.” —Ruby, 29