‘I’ve Been a Professional Dominatrix for 6 Years—Here’s What It’s Like’
As a dominatrix, I facilitate open expression of those fantasies that aren’t usually socially acceptable for these men.
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The biggest misconception people have about BDSM is that it’s all about violence and being cruel, but there’s really much more psychology to it than physical play. You can enter what is almost an altered state of consciousness, which allows you to feel emotions more fully, tap into your authentic self, or reach deep relaxation. I think that kink can be a really healthy and fun way to heal the mind.
How I Got My Start
When I first moved to New York six years ago, I was looking for a more exciting career. I was working in finance and as a bartender, but I really enjoyed kink in my personal life and had gone to different play parties where kinksters like me met up and played with different forms of BDSM. I often used a website called FetLife to find them.
A photo posted by Ms. Renee Trevi (@dominarenee) on Jun 3, 2016 at 11:38pm PDT
When I decided I wanted to become a dom full time, I went to a dungeon in New York for training. That entailed about a week of watching other doms in action, then participating in sessions under the guidance of my mentors, and learning to use ropes, whips, and other toys. I’ve also read books on kink, and taken advanced classes to learn how to play with electro toys, needles, sounds, and suspension equipment.
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From there, I went out on my own, opening a dungeon, which I call my studio, and started building a client base through different websites and social media. While most of my clients are men, I encourage women to come in, too. I love playing with women and couples, as well as hosting educational sessions.
What Happens in My Dungeon
The clients that I see come in from all walks of life—older, younger, and from many different countries. However, since my services aren’t cheap, about $300 an hour, that narrows the pool of people coming in. I get a lot of finance or business guys in their forties. Lots of these men are married, but they don’t feel comfortable exploring their kinky side with their partner because it’s taboo or they’re ashamed.
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Since each person who comes to the dungeon has unique preferences, there really isn’t a typical session. But one thing that stays consistent is that the man or woman becomes submissive to the female dom, a.k.a. me. In our culture, men are often expected to be dominant and in control, but many of them that want to let go and be dominated.
A photo posted by Ms. Renee Trevi (@dominarenee) on Apr 30, 2016 at 8:35pm PDT
I find that the best way to make someone feel submissive is to use bondage while they’re naked. There’s also face slapping, hair pulling, nipple torture, cock and ball torture, spanking, role playing, leather fetishes, and foot fetishes. As a general rule, I don’t do nudity because I don’t feel dominant when I’m nude, but all doms are different.
Generally, there’s no sex or penetration, and the men don’t touch or stimulate our genitals. Some men are allowed to masturbate at the end of the session—but part of being a dominatrix is that I get to decide whether or not they do so.
What Life Is Like Outside the Dungeon
I’m very lucky in that I have open-minded friends and family. (Well, I don’t tell my grandparents—they wouldn’t understand!) Plus, I really love living in New York where I can pretty much tell anyone about my job and they don’t have this shocked reaction. Most people just smile and ask questions.
I know some doms can have issues as far as dating goes. A lot of guys get jealous because we’re seeing naked men. But the men in my life have been good with it. However, I don’t dominate them. I don’t like to bring my work home with me. I think I need a healthy separation between kink and my love life.
A photo posted by Ms. Renee Trevi (@dominarenee) on Jul 30, 2016 at 9:39am PDT
When I’m not working, I’m out exploring the city or traveling. The great thing about this job is that it allows me to leave for weeks or months at a time. I love extreme sports like skydiving and base-jumping—anything for a thrill.