‘MDMA gave me anxiety, depression and panic attacks’

When she went to raves with her friends Laura – not her real name – used to take Ecstasy to give her a buzz.

But it got to the point where she started to take drugs most weekends even if she was just going over to a mate’s house or to a barbecue or house party.

Here, the 20-year-old Cardiff student explains about the lasting impact using MDMA has had on her life and mental health.

In college, I think it was quite a common thing. We all used to go to raves, and used to take pills or MDMA powder or different varying substances depending on the evening.

It depended on events but we could take it every other week, it could be once a month, but it got to a point where it got to be every other week or every week.

For maybe two to three years it was a very frequent occurrence, it was what we used to do most weekends or when we were going to see our friends or if we were just going to a house party or to a barbecue.

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It’s really accessible. I think, without realising it, you will know more people that do take drugs, than not, and especially around the ages between 16 and the early twenties.

Especially when you are underage, people can’t always get alcohol as easy as they would be able to get drugs.

Then, when people go to university, it’s deemed as a cool thing for people to go out and try these new kinds of things – it’s quite common and easy to get hold of.

I personally haven’t had one time where I took something and it sent me to hospital, but over months and years, I noticed a massive depletion in my serotonin levels and I became depressed.

It wasn’t for the first six months to a year that I really started to notice the effects. People know you do get a “come down” after taking it and I thought “it’s OK, I’ll just feel rubbish for a couple of days”.

But then, when the “rubbish days” start to become normal, then you notice that there’s something wrong.

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Only after looking into that and getting help through mental health services and the NHS did I realise that it was the MDMA and the drugs that I was taking that had such a knock-on effect.

Before I started taking drugs, I did not suffer with anxiety and I never would have called myself somebody who was easily susceptible to depression, but I’ve got really bad anxiety now, I’ve had panic attacks.

MDMA is a party drug, so if you’re going out to a rave or if you’re on a night out, then it’ll give you a little boost. It gives a sense of pleasure, although it is artificial pleasure – that’s how you get into the cycle.

You can’t be short-sighted with it because, while in the short-run, yes, you do have a brilliant time and I have had memories that are amazing – but the long-lasting knock-on effects are not worth it.

I will suffer with anxiety for the rest of my life now, I will be a lot more susceptible to depression and mental illnesses. I can only speak for myself, but a lot of my friends also suffer from different mental illnesses.

As much as you’d like to trust the person [who gives you the drug], you can’t. Even though I had a close relationship with my dealer, and I thought that he tried the substances before me, but that doesn’t mean he did.

I know an instance where one of my friends bought something off someone thinking they knew what it was, and it turned out to be a fake heroin substitute.

He was hallucinating and got in lots of trouble and we were really worried because we had to go to hospital – and all because he thought he’d taken an MDMA pill and it wasn’t at all.

Recently that a girl I know, she took what she thought was MDMA powder and it was only the smallest amount and straight away she passed out. I think that was something to do with its high purity levels but she’s still not sure.

Thank goodness she was with her friends who were there to look after her but if she was in a club or something, you don’t know what could have happened.

I think the thing to remember is it [the high from these drugs] is an artificial pleasure. The pleasure it brings won’t equate to real happiness you might have.

I think it’s really important to remember that, although it might make you feel this pleasure for a short amount of time, it won’t bring you the happiness you need in the long-run.