So This Is Why You Always Go for Guys Who Are Narcissists

But it’s the confidence—not narcissism—that you’re really attracted to, the study suggests.

The researchers surveyed people to determine their personality traits, then sent them on a series of speed dates. After each date, the women rated whether or not they wanted to see the guy again.

The women were significantly more likely to want to date men who had narcissistic personality traits, like being vain and wanting to be the center of attention, than guys who didn’t have those traits.

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But when researchers controlled for extroverted personality traits, like being self-confident and assertive, that link disappeared. 

That means that the women’s attraction to the narcissists could be explained by the guys’ outgoingness—not their vanity or self-centeredness, the researchers say.

Narcissists often make a good first impression because they act outgoing, for example, they take the lead in conversation in an effort to impress people and get attention. This can make them seem charming when they’re getting to know someone new, the researchers say.

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But don’t worry: Another new study from Germany suggests that narcissists become less attractive to people once they’re in a long-term relationship. Over time, they come off as self-centered, entitled, and too competitive, the researchers say.

So, no, you’re not doomed to fall for every a-hole out there. Confident, outgoing dudes trump jerks in the dating world every time, says study author Emanuel Jauk, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Graz in Austria.