The 6 Biggest Mistakes Couples Make In the Bedroom

“The inability to have open and honest communication is at the heart of many couples’ problems in the bedroom,” says Elona Landau, a sex educator in Portland, Oregon. “Even with the people we’re committed to, we can’t openly talk about our wants, desires, and needs.” We either never learned how, she says, or keep quiet for fear of being judged, shamed, or shut down.

The fix: Your partner isn’t a mind-reader and neither are you. Want to have sex more often, try something new, or have concerns about your waning libido? Speak up. Meanwhile, ask your partner to weigh in on the state of your physical union. Just as relationships grow and evolve over time, so does your sexuality. 

“Listen with fresh ears and try to hear what your partner wants without putting it through your own filter,” says Landau. Pay attention to how you’re responding, whether you’re intrigued, uncomfortable, or somewhere else on the spectrum—and approach that with curiosity as well. “Being willing to hear the other person, acknowledge their vulnerability, and empathize with their needs can go a long way.”