The Thing That Could Totally Kill Your Sex Life After Having a Baby
Researchers surveyed new parents about their stress levels and sexual satisfaction in the first year of their children’s lives. Overall, 55 percent of men and 69 percent of women were at least “somewhat” happy with their sex lives.
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But the more stressed the women were, the less sexually satisfied both parents were.
Even though the dads were as frazzled as the moms, their mental state wasn’t linked to sexual satisfaction at all. Only the mothers’ stress seems to have an impact.
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How come? We tend to feel immense pressure to be perfect mothers, and that pressure can be debilitating, says study author Chelom Leavitt, M.S. From new-age feeding trends, to organic sunscreen, to post-pregnancy workouts, many of us feel like we’re supposed to attend to our kids nonstop and look perfectly put-together while doing it. If you feel inadequate, those feelings of insecurity can spill over into other areas of your life—including the bedroom.
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Men tend to get more leeway with parental expectations, and their self-worth isn’t as tied up in being a parent, says Leavitt. So while your husband may be sleep deprived, busy, and worried about your kid catching another cold at daycare, your stress may be a heavier, more all-consuming issue.
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You’ll feel more secure about your parenting if you know you’re not solely responsible, so it’s important for your guy to pull his weight, says Esther Boykin, a marriage and family therapist based in Haymarket, Virginia. Have a conversation, telling him which chores you hate the most—Diaper-changing? Late-night feeding?—and ask him to take them off your hands. You’ll be glad you did later, when you’ve got more energy stored up for a romp in the hay.