Why Women Are Seeking a New Kind of Religious Experience
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Like Jennifer, as many as 42 percent of American adults today follow a different religion than the one they were raised in, according to a 2014 Pew survey of more than 35,000 people. But there’s an even more striking generational shift occurring: One in three adults ages 18 to 34 don’t claim a religious preference at all, up from one in four in 2007. But two-thirds believe in a higher power, and 40 percent of them pray or meditate. In essence: It’s the difference between being formally “religious” and more broadly “spiritual.”
“It validated that I can be artistic and a little weird and still be spiritual.”
This mass abandonment of organized religion came at a time when many of us saw a new source of enlightenment: fitness studio as church, where moments of clarity occurred not in pews, but on yoga mats and cycling bikes. Social media also started to permeate our lives; now our eyes and minds are constantly overstimulated. “We’ve lost the sustained peaceful silences in which we form a deeper understanding of the world,” says Lisa Miller, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Columbia University. Yoga and meditation offer ways to quiet the mind, but they often lack the group-based support structures found in churches, synagogues, and the like.
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The trend away from traditional practice is particularly apparent with those who came of age around 9/11, says religious historian Diana Butler Bass. “To those men and women, religion can be an excuse for people behaving in violent and destructive ways,” she theorizes. “So they’ve been looking for a different path.”
Higher Callings
Twenty-and thirty-somethings are finding that path through like-minded friends, says Bass. Instead of gathering in a chapel to be preached at by an ordained leader, women are dialoguing over dinner with GFs in someone’s living room, or joining spiritual groups via the website and app Meetup (there are 13,000 groups listed in the “spirituality” category across the country, with 62,000 RSVPs in a single month). At The Sanctuaries in Washington, D.C., gatherings look like an open-mic night at a bar, with improv and hip-hop acts that explore metaphysical themes from multiple spiritual POVs. And then there’s the Wild Goose Festival, an annual event in rural North Carolina where spiritual leaders, rock singers, and yoga teachers all share top billing.
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“Many women feel isolated. They’ve been turned off by organized religion, but they’re seeking a community to give [the same kind of ] meaning to their lives,” says Harold G. Koenig, M.D., a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University and the director of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health. “It’s just more free-flowing as opposed to structured.”
“Many women feel isolated. They’ve been turned off by organized religion, but they’re seeking a community to give meaning to their lives.”
Ashlee Piper, 34, who lives in Chicago, discusses religion with her girlfriends over brunch, for example. Though she grew up in a loosely Christian family, one day she attended a meditation session at a Zen Buddhist temple out of curiosity. The next time, she invited a few other religious orphans, and they decided to explore other faiths. Today, the seven-person crew gathers regularly to attend services, whether that’s observing prayer at a mosque or clapping along to a rock band at a church, where the average weekly attendance tops 1,300.
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They don’t always agree with everything they hear—like the time a pastor praised Chick-fil-A for its “great values,” referring to the chain’s anti-gay marriage stance—but other times, a service will spark conversations about a recent breakup or tough time at the office. “On Sundays, when you start feeling like, Uhhh, I’ve gotta go to work—it’s nice to have something that knocks you back into the perspective of what really matters,” says Ashlee.
“It’s nice to have something that knocks you back into the perspective of what really matters.”
In 2014, Tania Rezai, 30, took an even more DIY approach, launching a casual interfaith group in Northern California after she realized many of her friends felt lost spiritually (or had difficulty fitting a Sunday a.m. service into their lives). Now about 10 adults in their late twenties and early thirties, who grew up in various faiths, meet once a month in each other’s homes. Members agree on a topic like “the afterlife” or “suffering” and research how different religions interpret the idea. They start with a moment of silence and end with a member sharing a prayer or song, often from his or her own faith. “I figured together we could create our own spiritual home,” says Tania. “I walk away almost high off of the connection and the love.”
Not-So-Fringe Benefits
The perks of participating in a religious community have been documented in reams of scientific research. Koenig reviewed more than 3,000 studies looking at the link between religion and health. In most cases, religious involvement strongly correlated with higher levels of hope and self-esteem. But beyond mental health, “attendance at religious services is a powerful predictor of physical health,” said Koenig. “There’s no question it’s related to longevity.” (Specifically: more exercising, a healthier diet, less smoking and drug use.)
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Miller has seen the advantages of more generalized spirituality in her own research on depression. The brain’s cortex—which guards against the disease—thickens when people develop a spiritual practice, she says. Another study from Columbia University supports the idea. Scientists there found that the risk of developing depression was 90 percent lower if religion or spirituality was important to a participant. Those already suffering from depression or PTSD can benefit as well, says Koenig: “The beliefs and practices are stress-relieving and help people take better care of themselves.”
“Attendance at religious services is a powerful predictor of physical health. There’s no question it’s related to longevity.”
All these ideas have proved true for Jennifer Allen, who felt a renewed sense of hope that she could survive cancer once she found her spiritual community in that Unitarian Universalist congregation. She began attending services every Sunday, and this past February, the doctor told her the chemotherapy was working. That next Sunday, her pastor’s sermon was about the “in between” times—when you know where you want to go but need to bide your time before taking action. The preacher spoke of how these periods require patience and courage, and the words resonated so deeply with Jennifer that she burst into tears. She knew it’d take more rounds of treatment before she could be cancer-free, but now she had the tools and support to carry her through.
Religion, Your Way
Tailoring a spiritual practice to your life can take several forms, depending on what agrees with your schedule and personal convictions. A few strategies:
Talk to your friends. “See if there are others who are feeling that same sense of hunger,” says Bass. A good entry point is asking how pals’ past religious experiences have influenced them. Your beliefs don’t need to be the same, but look for people with common values, and be sure to honor their faith tradition.
Include your children. Bass suggests starting simple, like discussing who key historical figures are. (Only want to share the parts of religion you enjoyed? That’s cool too.) You can also use small moments (like a squabble on the playground) to teach right from wrong. Just “be authentic with your child about your understanding,” she says.
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Get outside the pew. Find creative locations to meet—backyards, the park, your favorite dive bar—and don’t feel beholden to a weekly schedule. If you think of your arrangement as a moving, breathing thing, it ensures it stays invigorating. When there, “make an effort to participate often,” says Koenig.
Create rituals. It’s okay to copy some of what organized religion does without the theological aspects, says Linda Mercadante, Ph.D., a professor of theology at Ohio’s Methodist Theological School. Try starting meetings with a “centering moment,” like group meditation or a song.
Explore communities. There’s value in being spiritually multilingual, says Miller. Familiarity with the major religions expands your context for global news, and it may spark ideas for your own group study.
*Name and identifying details have been changed.
This article was originally published in the July/August 2016 issue of Women’s Health, on newsstands now.