Women Share What It’s Really Like to Use a Sperm Donor

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1. I Wanted a Second Child After My Divorce.
“In the same way that many people know they want to get married, I knew from a very young age that I wanted to have children. When I broke up with the father of my first child, I decided to pursue the option of sperm donation for my second child. The information provided by the sperm banks for each donor is quite extensive, and frankly, was more than most people would know about someone that they might choose to marry. It included health and other statistics for generations and the sperm bank provided information on the personality of the candidates. Being a single mother by choice or circumstances isn’t an easy road, since you bear all of the responsibilities for the child—but it’s worth it.”—Cindy K., 54

2. It Was Just Something I Had to Do.
“I was 35 and…all of my friends were married and having their second child. I was single, going on every online dating site possible, but I couldn’t meet anyone I wanted to even go on a third date with. I knew from the time I was very young that I wanted a child. People say it’s hard to get pregnant when you’re in your late thirties, and I didn’t have much money then, so I knew if I had trouble getting pregnant, I wouldn’t be able to afford IVF or anything like that. I decided to save up money for a year and finally went to a sperm bank. It’s been four years since the day I went and I’m so lucky to have a beautiful boy, Jacob, of my own. He’s my pride and joy. My life. I have since met a wonderful guy and am engaged. I did things in reverse order than most people, but I am glad I did.” —Felicia H., 40

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3. I Wonder Now if I Was Too Young.
“I decided at age 30 that I wanted to have a child. I wasn’t dating anyone and my career was at a good standstill point. I had gotten three promotions in five years and was making enough money that I felt relaxed about my finances and my life. I wanted a kid. I always had a mommy instinct. I was a babysitter for 12 years and I was often known as ‘Aunt Julie’ to my family members and friends’ kids. It was just something I felt I had to do, so I did it. I got a sperm donor and I had a child at age 32. Looking back, I should have probably waited three or five years. I should have maybe held out to see if I would meet someone or enter a long-term relationship. I spent the first half of my thirties raising a young baby and it was impossible to date. Now it’s hard to date because I have a child and a lot of guys my age want to date younger. They want young, wild, and free. I’m none of those things.”—Julie W., 38

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4. It Took Longer Than I Expected.
“I became a lawyer and was very focused on my career for many years. I was aware of the fact that I was getting older and that I couldn’t wait too much longer if I wanted to have a child, so I began looking at my options. I decided at that point to use an actual anonymous sperm donor. I had spent so many years trying not to get pregnant that I was floored that, when I started the insemination process, it took almost four years (14 inseminations and three IVFs) to get pregnant. Having my daughter was the best thing I have ever done and I have never had a moment of regret.”—Cynthia S., 61