10 Things Every Woman Learned About Sex From Judy Blume Novels

I don’t think my husband Chris realizes how much Judy Blume has impacted our sex life.

Over the years, Blume, who just came out with a new book called In the Unlikely Event, has written frankly about periods, masturbation, and sex…lots of sex. So many of the novels have been banned that naturally I read whatever I could get my hands on while growing up in a sleepy farm town.

While a lot of what Blume wrote was shocking to a teenager, there’s actual, legit takeaway in the pages of Forever, Deenie, Then Again, Maybe I Won’t, Wifey, and more.

C’mon—you know what I’m talking about. Blume hasn’t sold more than 85 million copies of her novels for nothing. Odds are, you’ve read (and re-read) at least one of her books at some point in your life. Need a recap? Here’s what we all learned about sex from Judy Blume:

1. Smart Girls Get Action
Screw the dumb-girl stereotype. Blume spells it out in Forever: Smart = sexy. “Sybil Davison has a genius I.Q. and has been laid by at least six different guys,” she wrote. Because…of course.

2. You’re Probably Not Going to Marry the Guy You Give Your V-Card To
Sad but true. Even if he buys a necklace with “forever” on it, the odds aren’t in your favor. Katherine thought she was going to kick it with Michael for all of eternity in Forever, but then Theo the hot tennis instructor came along and she showed Michael the door. Sigh.

RELATED: 10 Men Share How They Lost Their Virginity

3. Masturbation Is Totally Normal
I mean, Mrs. Rappaport said as much in Deenie, so it must be true.

4. Guys Looove to Watch You Strip
The next time you’re planning to take it off before getting busy, go slow. Guys love to see you strip. Evidence: In Then Again, Maybe I Won’t, Tony gets his kicks by spying on Lisa through the window as she undresses.

5. …And They Can Be D*cks About Sex
Also: You so don’t have to put up with that crap. That’s what Katherine discovered in Forever when her first boyfriend Tommy Aronson told her he’d leave her if she didn’t have sex with him. (She told him to go ahead, and he did.) Oh! And Bru in Summer Sisters slept with besties Vix and Caitlin, which is so not cool.

6. STDs Happen
Even Katherine’s grandma was talking about it in Forever.

RELATED: The Scary Facts About Women and STDs

7. Dry Humping Is Hot
When Katherine and Michael finally got kinky in Forever, they did it in their skivvies. And It. Was. Hot. “He rolled over on top of me and we moved together again and again and it felt so good I didn’t ever want to stop until I came.” Later, “Michael moaned and I felt him come—a pulsating feeling, a throbbing—like the books said, then wetness.”

8. Sometimes, The Train Doesn’t Make It To the Station in Time
Speaking of Michael…boyfriend came a wee bit too early on more than one occasion. But it’s okay, it’s part of this whole sex thing. Men everywhere have Judy Blume to thank for that free pass.

9. Sex Ruts Happen
Missionary gets old when you do it every freaking time you have sex. That’s what Sandy Pressman discovered in Wifey, after her boring-as-hell hubby Norman says that’s the only position he’ll do. Also, guys who insist on calling all the shots in the bedroom suck (ahem, Norman).

RELATED: One Man Pleads His Case for the Missionary Position

10. Dudes Are Obsessed With Their Penises
Obsessed. They even give them weird, completely unsexy names like “Ralph.” (Really, Michael? Is that the best you can do?)

Sure, sex ed covered the basics like how not to get pregnant and why condom use is crucial, but I learned way more useful info about sex from Judy Blume. (And I’m guessing you did, too.) Thanks, Judy!

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Korin Miller is a writer, SEO nerd, wife, and mom to a little 2-year-old dude named Miles. Korin has worked for The Washington Post, New York Daily News, and Cosmopolitan, where she learned more than anyone ever should about sex. She has an unhealthy addiction to gifs.