15 of Kristen Bell's Funniest Quotes About Motherhood

From Redbook

One of my favorite celebrity couples is Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, thanks to how real they are about marriage counseling, parenting, and personal struggles, like Bell’s anxiety and depression. Essentially, they’re #goals without the irritating vibe of better-at-marriage-than-you perfection..

The funny pair is especially delightful when talking about their kids – and they don’t hold back when it comes to the trials and tribulations of raising their two young daughters, Lincoln, 4, and Delta Bell, 2. The Good Place actress, in particular, is a refreshingly candid Hollywood wife, and imperfect mom.

Here are a few of Bell’s funniest quotes about motherhood.

1. On her morning routine: “My current alarm clock is the blood-curdling screams that I wake up to. I bolt down the hallway thinking that someone’s fallen out of their crib or broken their arm or, I don’t know, drowning in the sink, and then they’re just like ‘Good morning, Mommy!’”

2. On needing her daily dose of caffeine before mommying: “I try not to interact with my kids too much before I drink my matcha because I need to be caffeinated to be nice to anyone.”

3. On the humbling influence of her kids: “[Lincoln] is not my biggest fan. She just doesn’t know what I do for a living! She couldn’t care less. [It] is extremely humbling to come home to someone who couldn’t care less about what you do!”

4.On how her kids felt about her role in Frozen: “I put it on for [Lincoln], thinking it was going to blow her mind and she was like 15 minutes in and was like, ‘Turn this off, I don’t like this movie […] She could care less. It was too scary for her, I think. She keeps my ego in check. But it was too dark, the scene where Anna gets struck and then they go to the troll sand it takes place at night.”

5. On enjoying the epidural during her 33-hour labor with second daughter Delta Bell: “I felt really great […] It wears out of your system slowly. About six or seven hours later, I’m sitting in my hospital bed and I say to Dax, ‘Well, I think the epidural has finally worn off.’ He looks over and I am scratching holes in my face like a meth addict, and I’m like, ‘I think it might be time to re-up. I don’t know. It’s definitely worn off.’ He’s like, ‘Are you sure? You think it’s worn off, hun?’”

6. On the inherent comedy of being a Bad Mom: “Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.”

7. On not wanting more children: “No, I don’t want to be outnumbered! I think we’re stopping at two. I’m not even sharing a soda with Dax until he gets his tubes tied!”

8. On then 7-month-old Lincoln’s first Christmas gifts: “I’m going to wrap up a bunch of stuff from the house, because she’s still kind of an idiot. I’m gonna wrap up, like, a bunch of tissue boxes and she’ll be thrilled.”

9. On the “I don’t know how she does it all!” attitude towards balancing motherhood and her career: “I will tell you how she does it! She has boundaries. She doesn’t go into work and say, ‘I’m here for anything you need!’ I say I need to be out of here at 3 because at 3:30 my kid’s got a recital. And as much as I love this job, my daughter is much more important to me than you.”

10. On Lincoln’s unusual name: “It’s always been Dax’s favorite name, and he’s substantially bigger than I am, so I lost.”

11. On unglamorous mom moments: “It’s nice to sort of see the moments where you’re not in a dress and you have avocado on every part of your shirt and you smell like urine […] I might still smell like urine.”

12. On being away from her baby: “I can’t look at her pictures today, because it hurts my feelings. I start wondering what she’s thinking, like, Where’s the girl with the blonde hair and the boobs?“

13. On her post-baby body: “I like my Lincoln Leftovers because they’re proof I did something extraordinary. […] I gave life to my new BFF she gave me a comical amount of midsection skin.”

14. On her newborn being kinda like a tiny drunk person: “My new roomate [sic] poops her pants and doesn’t pay rent…basically @daxshepard1 pre-sobriety ? welcome baby Lincoln xo.”

15. On people being weird about public breastfeeding: “Get over it! They’re just boobs! Calm down. They’re under our shirt whether you’re looking at them or not.”

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