5 People Share the Life-Altering Experiences That Led Them to Be Celibate

I Was Mourning My Marriage
“There aren’t many things that will mess with your libido like going through a divorce. When my husband and I separated, we hadn’t had sex for the better part of a year. After we broke up, another man didn’t touch me for the next three years. I was psychologically damaged because of the breakup, and I have two kids who were very young at the time. My friends finally got me to start dating again, but it was months before I ended up in bed with someone. When I finally slept with someone else, I felt like I was re-discovering this part of me that I had lost. I felt sexy and wanted. I forgot how important sex is.” —Carissa C.

I Was Recovering from Trauma
“I had a traumatic sexual experience when I was in high school, and I didn’t have sex after that for over six years. What happened to me isn’t something you ever really get over. But after a lot of time and work I got to a place where I felt like I could be with someone again. The first couple of times were weird because I hadn’t gained any sexual experience during the time most people gain most of theirs, like college, but I caught up. Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t waited as long, but other times I’m glad I did.” —Meghan S.

My Partner Passed Away
“My girlfriend died pretty suddenly when we were in college. We’d been together since high school, and I was sure she was the only person I’d ever be with. I didn’t want anyone else for a few years. I spent a lot of time getting way too familiar with porn. After college, I finally decided to start dating again, and it was slow going. I had no game. After just about eight years, I had my first hookup. It was amazing, but I felt kind of guilty after. I thought about it, though, and realized there was no way that [my girlfriend] would have wanted me to go through life without her alone.” —Craig S.

I Was Diagnosed with Cancer
“I was single when I was diagnosed with lymphoma. The doctors caught it early and it was treatable, but therapy and trying to take care of myself kept me busy. Sex wasn’t big on my mind. I didn’t even have a libido for a while. After the treatment worked, I still felt fragile. I didn’t date or party. It was almost three years of no sex in my late 20s. When I finally got laid, I came in about three minutes, but the girl I was dating at the time understood the situation. We went again a few minutes later, and it was amazing.” —Rich W.

I Fell in Love with a Religous Man
“I had sex in high school and freshman year of college, but then I fell in love with a very religious guy sophomore year. He wanted to wait until marriage to get it on, and I was fine with it. I wanted to marry him and believed there are more important things in a relationship than sex. We stayed together all through school and for a year graduation, and then he broke up with me. After four years of dating without sex, he decided to become a priest. I felt like I’d wasted years of my life, so I immediately went out and got laid. The first time wasn’t great, but after a few sexual experiences I was loving it. —Kayleigh D.