7 Romantic Gestures in Movies That Would Be Super Creepy in Real Life

This article was written by Kelly Kreglow and provided by our partners at Men’s Health.

Movies in which guys do stupid things—like any of the Jackass films, where the cast repeatedly put themselves in harm’s way—usually begin with a disclaimer: Don’t try this at home. Because if you did, it wouldn’t end with Johnny Knoxville giving you a high-five and calling you awesome. It’d end with you in the ER.

So why are there no disclaimers in front of romance movies? Sure, they’re obviously fiction, not how-to guides. But guys see how women respond to them, how they tear up during the climatic moments, and then talk about the movies later with their girlfriends and gush about how romantic it was. It’s never said out loud, but the implication is there: Why can’t men be more like the guys up there on-screen?

Well, dudes can’t be because repeating any of the behavior in a rom-com or romance movie could very well land them in jail. ??Here are seven examples of the worst seduction advice from Hollywood movies.

1. Standing on an Ex-Girlfriend’s Property in a Trenchcoat and Playing a Vaguely Creepy Song That Reminds Him of the Time He Had Sex with You in a Car
In Say Anything, Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) stands outside the house of his ex, Diane Court (Ione Skye), and raises a boom box above his head, blaring Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.”
Why this is a terrible idea: ?Trespassing on an ex-lover’s property in order to force her to listen to a sex soundtrack won’t just convince her that she made the right decision in dumping a guy, but it may be grounds for a restraining order.

RELATED: How to Make Life Suck Less After a Breakup

2. Snooping Through Her Private Papers, Then Disappearing Without Any Explanation
Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) happens upon the diary of Bridget Jones (Renee Zellweger) in Bridget Jones’ Diary. He reads it, then steals it and comes back later with a new diary so she can “make a fresh start.”
Why this is a terrible idea: ?He read her diary? Dudes shouldn’t read someone’s journal, texts, e-mails, or diary. It’s not cute. It’s an invasion of privacy. ??If he’s going to steal something personal, at least tell the woman where you’re going with it. There’s a time to be mysterious, and this isn’t it. Leave a note on the dining room table: “Be back in a minute. No need to run outside in your underwear.” It’s called communication, dude.

3. Planning a First Date in an Expensive and Inconvenient Spot, and Then Being Vague About Whether He’ll Actually Show Up
Two people love each other but can’t be together at the moment, so they vow to meet on top of the Empire State Building on a pre-determined future date in both Sleepless In Seattle and An Affair to Remember. If both parties show up, it’s obviously true love.
Why this is a terrible idea:? It costs $36 to get to the top of the Empire State Building, and the line is typically one to three hours. Nothing is less romantic than standing in an endless Disneyesque Jungle Cruise type line to get on an elevator to the top of a building where your true love may or may not be waiting.?? Here’s a better idea: Instead of a stupid tourist trap, the guys should’ve said, “I’ll be on 20th between Park and Broadway.” (For more ideas on how your guy can make smarter choices, pick up The Better Man Project, the new book from Men’s Health Editor in Chief Bill Phillips. It’s got 2,476 tips and ideas that will help him become a better man in every way that counts.)

4. Climbing Up a Fire Escape to Her Apartment to Take Her Away
In Pretty Woman, ?a rich businessman (Richard Gere) pays a street hooker (Julia Roberts) $3,000 to live with him for a week and spend his money. When their business transaction is over, he decides he wants her back, so he shows up at her house unannounced, screams at her from the alley, and climbs up to her apartment using the fire escape.
Why this is a terrible idea:? Um…couldn’t he just use the front buzzer like everybody else?

5. Getting Busy in a Way-Too-Small Bathtub
Laszlo de Almasy (Ralph Fiennes) has lots of steamy sex with a work colleague’s wife (Kristin Scott Thomas) in The English Patient—including once in a bathtub right after she shampoos his hair.
Why this is a terrible idea: ?Remember that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is forced to watch The English Patient and she hates it? Remember her main complaint about the movie? “You know, sex in a tub, that doesn’t work!” ?Elaine was right.

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6. Sketching Her Naked
Titanic’s Rose (Kate Winslet) and Jack (Leo DiCaprio) fall in love on a boat that is doomed. They cavort all over the boat, make love in some stranger’s car, and piss off Billy Zane. Then he sketches her while she’s nude.
Why this is a terrible idea: ?Do you know how much time it takes to finish a full nude portrait? And as you’re laying there, naked, you’re just going to be thinking about how you look and whether you’re sitting at a weird angle that makes your thighs smoosh out in an unflattering way. Then he’ll show you the drawing, and if he isn’t the best artist in the whole world, you’re probably going to be disappointed in how he sees you.

RELATED: How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

7. Locking Approximately 150 of Your Friends and Family in a Building, and Then Kidnaping You with a Bus
The Graduate’s ?Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) is in love with Elaine Robinson (Katherine Ross), but she’s marrying someone else. So Ben shows up to stop the wedding. After almost breaking the church’s glass windows, he steals the bride and runs away.
Why this is a terrible idea: ?There is no circumstance in which crashing the wedding of an ex is a good idea. But if he’s gonna be a dick and do it anyway, he should at least bring a getaway car. A lady in crinoline and spanx has no desire to sit on a hot bus in a giant wedding dress.