8 Thoughts You Have When Your Child Goes in for Surgery

In terms of mommy milestones, I hit a big one recently. My sweetest, most tenderhearted little one had surgery. She was under general anesthesia, the whole nine yards. There’s a lot I did to prepare for it, but I never felt ready. She’s 4. Just a sweet, innocent, finger-sucking 4. And it was so out of my control. She did amazingly though; as if there was ever any doubt. When she did eventually cry for mommy, she had already been through the worst of the experience, and my heart was so happy to be able to mean it when I said that everything was going to be okay.

Part of what hurts you as a parent when your child goes through something like this is knowing how out of control they must feel about everything, and knowing that there isn’t a lot you can do to change it. A child’s world is so expansive and part of what we do as parents is work to make the enormity of it all seem less daunting. But when it comes to surgery or other invasive medical procedures, it’s easy to get caught up in that yourself. This immense undertaking is the best thing for everyone, but recognizing that and reconciling it are two different things. And while parents are often thought of as being the rocks on which their children lean on, I have found it is often the other way around. I don’t mean that it was my daughter’s responsibility to hold it together for me, I simply mean that by watching how brave and confident and high-spirited she was, I was able to emulate those things for myself. Fake it ’til you make it, right?

If there’s anything I have to be proud of as a parent, it’s how strong my daughter is. She knows her limits and when to say no, but she also knows that being scared can lead to trying new, exciting things, and that life can be changed for the better because of it. Her spirit is inextinguishable and the fire that is her very soul is infectious. She is warm and bright and even the darkness of uncertainty doesn’t invite hesitation. She runs toward each day with excitement and anticipation. I hope I grow up to be just like her one day.

Even though this experience registered off the charts in terms of my anxiety level, it had to be faced. While I endured the event, there were several thoughts that occurred to me that I knew must go through every parent’s mind when they find themselves faced with this circumstance. It was oddly comforting to know that others had been through this before me and survived, even though none of those people were by my side offering encouragement at that moment; solidarity, even in absence. If I was reminded of one thing yesterday, it was that real life is humorous and raw and colorful, even when surgery is a part of it. Here are 8 of the thoughts that occurred to me yesterday that all parents must think about when their children go in for surgery:

1. It is so early. But at least she’s not asking for breakfast yet.

2. Ew, those “jammies” must have been worn by 10,000 kids by now. Aww, they’re blue though, her favorite color, and she looks stupid cute in them. I’ve got to take a picture.

3. I’ve never been a bigger fan of that raggedy Doc McStuffins toy. Thank God she gets to keep it with her while she’s being put under. You take good care of my baby, Doc.

4. Don’t you dare cry in front of her. She’ll see you and she’ll lose it, and she has kept it together like a champ so far. Suck it up, mom.

5. Oh good, they’re taking her to recovery. That was fast, you know, if 10 years is fast.

6. Can’t I just climb in the bed with her? Like, real quick, I’ll just… Yep.

7. Please don’t throw up in the car…

8. Darling, you are braver than I could ever be. You are amazing, and I’m so proud you’re mine.

Sharing an experience with another person is humbling. Sharing an experience with countless others, whether you know of them or not, increases that feeling by a hundredfold. When you share an experience as significant and as serious as surgery with your child, it’s a blessing. Not only do you get to practice what you preach and face your fears head on without letting doubt and dread cripple you, you get a front-row seat to witness your child shine. Children are amazingly resilient. They are brave, they are tough, they are so sincere. Whatever amiable characteristics you thought your child showed before this test won’t compare to the astounding capabilities they will show you as they find their own way through the ordeal. And realizing that your child is exactly who you thought they were and so much more at that, makes all of the uncertainty and anxiety that you felt about something so precarious seem all but forgotten.