Is Sarcasm Really the #1 Way to Ruin Relationships?
With a lot of research claiming that sarcasm kills marriages and relationships, does that mean you should put your sarcastic side on mute? Or is there’s something wrong with the new wave of activists villainizing your second language and your favorite form of humor.
You’ve read the articles or books on healthy relationships and you aren’t afraid of good advice but the call to end sarcasm seems a bit extreme to you, doesn’t it?
Sarcasm is to be used tactfully and in a clever way – a way everyone may not get. You understand that, so maybe the people that get hurt just misunderstand.
Sure, that may very well be the case. But how can you tell when your sarcasm might be crossing the line?
Trying asking yourself these 4 quick questions to see if you’re usually in the clear – or if you’ve gone too far.
In the past month have you:
1) Used sarcasm in an argument?
2) Used sarcasm to make a point?
3) Used sarcasm to make light of something they hold near and dear?
4) Used your tone of voice to turn something sweet into something really sour? In other words, if it was written on paper would it come across like a heartfelt compliment? “I’m so proud of you for signing up for that 10k – I’m sure you’ll do great.”
All these signs of sarcasm gone bad can point back to one thing: An emerging loss of respect for your partner.
You don’t take their goals seriously, you judge their opinions or write them off, you roll your eyes as if you’re better than them, as if they’re a burden to you.
This is a sure fire sign that you need to reevaluate the ways in which you use sarcasm.
The best way to get yourself on track to a better relationship, whether you think you have this problem or not, is to discuss this article with your partner (seriously).
This is an easy approach because it’s meant to be non-confrontational and neutral.
You’re not stating any opinion, just simply sharing an article.
Your partner will be much more open to communicate because there’s no implied expectation about the outcome.
Without subconsciously shaping your partners responses or leading them in any way you can expect more honesty and straightforward conversation.
So my challenge to you is this. If you want a double check on your relationship – especially in an area commonly swept under the rug – express it!
Share this article with them with the best of intentions. It’s a “just checking in” kind of touch, not a “see, this is the problem” kind of bitterness.
The cars that last the longest get checkups before the lights comes on, after all.
Don’t wait for sarcasm to become a problem – discussing it first.
If you find out that you’ve never unintentionally hurt his or her feelings then great.
If they share with you that sometimes they feel hurt by a specific kind of your sarcasm then that’s even better.
Learning to listen is great but learning to ask is even better.
Join thousands of readers and connect with me @JamesEmry – I personally read every tweet to me and love discussing with you!