My Schizophrenic Hallucinations Started When I Was 3 Years Old

Name: Allie Burke

Age: 29

Occupation: Novelist

Diagnosis: Schizophrenia

I had audible hallucinations starting at 3 years old—I’d hear a voice when I was getting ready for sleep. It continued through my whole life. They weren’t something I could physically understand. I started having visual hallucinations in my early twenties and paranoia when I was married in my mid-twenties.

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The diagnosis process was terrible. Doctors initially said I had a sleeping disorder, and they gave me sleeping pills that did absolutely nothing for me. It was about nine months before I actually got a schizophrenia diagnosis.

I wasn’t really scared of myself—it was just a normal thing that I had. My uncle had the same illness and my dad walked him through along the way, trying to get him to a place where he was able to function. My dad had a lot of experience dealing with people with schizophrenia, so I was really able to turn to him. I was lucky in that regard, but I experienced stigma from other people as soon as they kind of figured it out.

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“For example, I was once tagged in a Facebook post about psychiatric medication, and someone commented, ‘Oh my gosh, you’re schizophrenic? Why don’t you just kill yourself?’

This is what I would tell other women in my situation: It doesn’t define you. The illness is just a thing that makes your brain not work the same as everyone else’s. I think if a lot of women keep that in mind, that the things that are more important are that you’re a great mother and you’re a hard worker at work—whatever you’re passionate about, that’s what you need to focus on. These people who stigmatize you, they are stigmatizing the illness, not you.

Pick up the May 2016 issue of Women’s Health, on newsstands now, for tips on how to help a friend who has a mental illness, advice on how to disclose a diagnosis at work, and more. Plus, go to our Mental Health Awareness center for more stories like Allie’s and to find out how you can help break the stigma surrounding mental illness.