What It’s Like to Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Name: Laura Oceane

Age: 24

Occupation: Actress

Diagnosis: Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

I started to become really violent and act out when I was 14. I remember exactly how I felt all the time: If you made me mad, I let you know, and I let everyone else know. Everyone was worried about me. At the end of my freshman year of high school, I was actually sent to a wilderness program for troubled teens, if that’s what you want to call it. I felt like I had been chucked to the side and there were a lot of people who didn’t understand me and judged me. While in high school, I also had an eating disorder and I’d been using drugs and wouldn’t go to treatment.

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I was eventually diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and other things I don’t really remember. In college, I partied all the time and was sexually promiscuous. I ended up moving to California in 2014 and finally got the right diagnosis—borderline personality disorder.

I’m an actress and I’m terrified that it’ll prevent me from getting a job. People see I have this illness and they automatically assume I’m incapable of having relationships or of being dependable.

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I’m learning how to deal with things. I’m more aware of myself, whereas before I was just doing things and not acknowledging them. Borderline is a combination of a lot of disorders. I’d tell other women in my shoes to just remind yourself that this doesn’t make you a bad person.

Pick up the May 2016 issue of Women’s Health, on newsstands now, for tips on how to help a friend who has a mental illness, advice on how to disclose a diagnosis at work, and more. Plus, go to our Mental Health Awareness center for more stories like Laura’s and to find out how you can help break the stigma surrounding mental illness.