Motherhood is full of kisses, cuddles, and a new perspective on just about everything. But you quickly realize that you have to teach another human being about life…and you apparently know nothing about it. Why? Let us count the ways.
You Can’t ID Flowers/Birds/Baby Animals to Save Your Life
Sure, you know what a rose is (heck, your eight-month-old probably does, too), but what are those ones that are purple with black in the middle? And what is a goat’s baby called again? Let’s never break up, Google.
Everyone Else’s Kids Are Bilingual
Meanwhile, yours still hasn’t moved past “Mama,†“Dada,†and “baaldkjfsdf.†Maybe the latter could pass for Swedish.
You Have No Idea How To Tell a Rash From Eczema
They’re both red and bumpy. Seriously, are we missing something? Note to self: Look into getting an M.D. on the side.
Diapers Still Give You Issues
Diapering a newborn? Child, please. Diapering a toddler? Child, please stop with the horizontal Zumba so we can get through this.
Potty Training Practically Requires a Ph.D.
It’s simple, right? You sit on the toilet, and you go. Hahaha. You will spend hours reading up on how to explain that to a two-year-old.
Outwitting a Kid Is Kind of Tough
There is no legitimate reason why he should have to wear the new shoes you bought him beside the fact that they cost $40. You know that, and he does too. And…go!
You Don’t Know Proper English
Despite speaking the language fluently for the majority of your life, you, uh, don’t know what a preposition is. This may become a slight issue when it’s English homework time.
Onesie Snaps Are the Devil…
No matter how many times you dress your kid, you still miss a snap on the regular.Â
…And So Are Strollers
Despite poring over multiple YouTube videos, you’re apparently the only one in the universe who can’t figure out one-click connect.
Your Diaper Bag Stash Is Lacking
Everyone else knows you’re supposed to carry a spare set of clothes in addition to the wipes/diapers/blankie/toys/water bottle/kitchen sink jammed in your bag. Duh.
You Can’t Spell Worth a Damn
Unfortunately, it’s not “Febuaryâ€â€”but it should be.
You Should Have Paid Attention in Philosophy 101
Why is the sky blue? “Um…because?†Yeah, that doesn’t fly. Luckily, “Go ask your dad†does.
Korin Miller is a writer, SEO nerd, and mom to a one-year-old dude named Miles. She has an unhealthy addiction to gifs.
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