- Observing and describing nonjudgmentally: See things as they are.
Much of our suffering comes from judgmental thinking. In any situation, there are infinite possible interpretations or stories. This skill involves taking a step back and observing our thoughts as thoughts, not facts. This allows us to identify judgmental thoughts as judgments, and by focusing instead on the facts, we can then decide how we want to view a given situation. It can be liberating to realize that we don’t have to believe something just because we thought it.
- Let go of suffering: Notice your experience without attaching to it.
This skill is about being able to observe one’s emotions as waves, rather than denying them or keeping them around by feeding them with negative self-talk. Central to this is the idea that we are more than our emotions, and that they are effemeral and constantly changing. This can also apply to feelings of physical pain. Practice feeling the sensation of pain, along with any emotions that may accompany them, without judgment. Notice what arises, reminding yourself that however it may feel, you are much more than your current painful feeling. This realization can help you identify pain as pain, and move in a direction away from suffering.
- Act opposite to current emotion: Do things you don’t feel like doing but know will help.
Pain can be a powerful pull to disengage. Encourage yourself with evidence of things that have helped in the past. Then keep experimenting for increased improvement.
- Effectiveness: Identify a goal and then do just enough—not too much or too little—to be effective.
This is crucial when you have to conserve your energy. Consider what you will find effective and take small, deliberate steps.
- Radical acceptance: Practice the willingness to see things as they are, thus reducing suffering that comes from fighting reality.
As paradoxical as it may seem, healthy acceptance can bring relief. By accepting where we are right now, we can stop fighting and open ourselves to strategies that can help us improve how we feel. This approach is consistent with the Serenity Prayer that seeks “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.â€
Tags:
acceptance, acting opposite, acting opposite to current emotion, chronic pain, dbt, distraction, effectiveness, pain, radical acceptance, self soothing, suffering
