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What It Looks Like
A needy person will repeatedly look for reassurance that they’re important to you and that you love them, so they’ll ask questions like “Do you love me?” (All. The. Damn. Time.)
There’s a difference between a guy sending you a few “thinking of you” texts throughout the day and calling or texting you nonstop (even if you haven’t responded) to ask if you’re thinking about him or missing him. The latter is a strong sign of a clingy personality. “You each have lives outside of each other—work, friends, and other obligations—so if he has a hard time accepting that those things are limiting your attention to him, it can create problems for you two,” says Greer.
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Ultimately, you’ll wind up feeling overwhelmed by a clingy partner who needs you to text and call him all the time. And that can drive you to resent your S.O. You might find yourself getting irritated more easily and avoiding his calls.
What to Do Next
This personality issue doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, though. It’s actually very common, says Greer. If your guy’s neediness is starting to cause a rift, there are a couple things you can do.
First, try talking to him to let him know that you love him, and that you can’t keep trying to prove it. As for the constant communication, let him know the times of day that you’re usually free to text or chat with him and what’s off limits (e.g. you can talk in the mornings, but the workday is not a good time). Obviously, you don’t want this to sound like instructions on how to communicate with you. Instead, just explain that it’s hard for you to call him back before your lunch break and that you’ll return his calls as soon as you can later in the day.
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If he’s still blowing up your phone or you’re struggling to find a mutual solution, try therapy, says Greer. “A therapist can help you both gain self awareness and teach you two how to tolerate the needs of others.”
And if both those strategies prove unsuccessful, you’ll need to consider whether this is something you can tolerate for the long term.