HMN 2025: Are you afraid of talking to your children about scary topics on the news?

The world is a scary place.

We know this. And yet we sometimes store that information in the very back of our brains and go through life as if believing in the illusion of safety. We need to raise our parents as if the world is a safe place. Because otherwise we would never let our children leave us. That’s not good either.

We know that until something really scary is on the news, and it’s our job to talk to our kids about it. If you are a post-traumatic parent and know more than most people how scary the world is, helping your children navigate their fears can be a daunting task.

As parents, it is our job to help our children process the scary events they hear on the news. From natural disasters like the California wildfires to tragic events like mass shootings, the world can feel overwhelming, not only for us, but especially for our children. How can we talk to our children about these topics in a way that provides comfort, builds resilience, and maintains a sense of safety?

In the post-traumatic parenting framework, I have developed the following acronym: help We guide you through these important conversations. Here’s how to navigate these difficult discussions using HELP.

H: Listen

The first step in conversations about scary topics is listening to your child’s heart. Verification is key. Ask about what they’ve already heard, and give them space to express their feelings without being quick to reassure or dismiss their concerns. Remember, this is not the time to lecture. Now is the time to actively listen.

If your big feelings are getting in your way, do whatever you need to do to deal with them first. This may mean exercising to lower adrenaline levels and activities that regulate our bodies back to calm. For some of us, it’s deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. For others, this may be a mindfulness practice. Dialectical Behavior Therapy TIIP techniques may also be helpful. I like to use the ice plunge technique, which involves submerging your face in a bowl of ice water, triggering the diver’s reflexes and quickly lowering the heart rate. Without self-regulation, you cannot co-regulate with your child, so take whatever steps are necessary to regain your own self-regulation first.

Children often share their concerns at uncomfortable times, such as bedtime, when their guard is lower and fears rise to the surface. Be prepared to be emotionally available, even if it’s not ideal for you. Make a plan to get their attention at bedtime when it’s stressful or not convenient at all. Because children really need to feel like their parents have their backs in times of stress.

E: Educate appropriately

Children need truthful, age-appropriate information. Be careful not to overwhelm them with unnecessary details.

For example, your child might say, “I heard people left their pets in wildfires and they died. “Is that true?” “Yes. Sometimes people have to leave their pets because it is an emergency and it can be very sad. “But there are also organizations that help rescue as many animals as possible from these situations.”

Never lie, even with good intentions. Being dishonest can undermine their trust in you. Because eventually they will find out the truth. At the same time, protect them from graphic details they don’t need to know. The goal is to provide clarity, not additional anxiety.

L: Limit your media exposure

Explicit images and sensational headlines can vicariously traumatize children. It is better to hear about the incident from you than to see shocking images on TV or social media.

Set boundaries around the amount of news your children are exposed to and, if necessary, consider stopping media consumption together as a family. When children witness scary images, it can stick in their minds and intensify their fears. Sometimes these images can play over and over again in the brain, causing psychological distress. Talking and educating rather than seeing is unnecessary.

P: Plan for safety

When children hear about disaster or violence, their main concern often boils down to one question: Are we safe?

Reassure your children by explaining your family’s safety plan. For example, “If a fire breaks out near us, we will leave immediately and get to a safe place. Here is what we need to pack, here is where we are going.” This helps change their mindset from “I’m scared” to “I’m ready.”

You can also empower your children by involving them in activities that help them. Getting involved in charity work, attending prayer meetings, and supporting community activities gives them agency and restores their faith in human kindness. Helping others can be deeply healing, even for children. Mr. Rogers told him to find a helper. But becoming one of our helpers gives you even more power.

final thoughts

Talking to your children about scary news is never easy, but it is an opportunity to build resilience, trust, and emotional stability. Using the HELP framework —Listen to their opinions, train appropriately, limit media exposure, and plan for safety.— You can guide your child through their fears and teach them how to deal with scary news in healthy ways.

Remember, as a parent, you are your child’s emotional anchor and solid foundation. As a post-traumatic parent, you may feel less strong than you’d like, but it’s true that strength can be learned. Keep the acronym HELP handy to help you remember the steps. You have more than you think.