HMN 2025: Let them fall: 4 mistakes kids make on the way to success

As parents, our instinct to protect our children from pain and failure is deeply ingrained. We rush to protect them from discomfort, correct their mistakes, and pave the way for success. But in doing so, we often forget important truths. Mistakes are some of the best teachers in life.

As a child psychologist, I have seen that allowing children, from infants to adults, to experience the consequences of their own mistakes is not neglect. It is the gift of growth. Here are four mistakes kids make and how parents can help them learn and grow from these experiences.

1. Mishandling a friendship or social situation

yes: Six-year-old Lily was hurt and angry at her best friend because she did not invite him to her birthday party. Although Lily’s parents were tempted to resolve the issue, they allowed Lily to talk to her friend and apologize independently.

class: Navigating friendships and social mistakes builds emotional intelligence and empathy. Children learn the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and repairing relationships.

Tips for parents: Encourage open dialogue about feelings and relationships. Don’t step in to mediate every conflict. Instruct your child in problem-solving strategies.

2. Losing what you care about

yes: 8-year-old Sam was frustrated when he didn’t get on the soccer team he really wanted to join. His parents resisted the urge to call the coach and ask for a spot. Instead, they supported him by acknowledging his feelings and encouraging him to practice for next year’s exam.

class: Defeat teaches children the value of resilience and persistence. It shows that success often requires hard work, perseverance, and growth.

Tips for parents: Empathize with their disappointment, but don’t try to “fix” the situation. Instead, guide them to think about what they could do differently next time.

3. Forgetting or postponing responsibility

yes: 15-year-old Maya forgot to study for her history test and received a disappointing grade. Her mother reminded her that she chose to procrastinate, even if it meant making mistakes. After feeling distressed by low scores, Maya learned to prioritize her time better.

class: Forgetting obligations or rushing at the last minute teaches responsibility. Children need to understand that their actions (or inaction) have consequences.

Tips for parents: Be consistent. If your child forgets to eat lunch at home, you will feel the urge to rescue him every time. Let them experience the natural consequences of supervision to increase accountability.

4. Financial mistakes as an adult

yes: Jake, 25, got his first full-time job, but spent so much money on a luxury car that he couldn’t afford his rent. His parents were tempted to pay the rent for him, but instead gave him budgeting advice and suggested he consider selling his car to regain financial stability.

class: Financial mistakes teach adult children the importance of budgeting, saving, and prioritizing needs over wants. These lessons are invaluable in helping children fulfill their adult responsibilities.

Tips for parents: Resist the urge to bail them out completely. Provide guidance and support, but force them to face the consequences of their financial choices. This helps children develop independence and maturity.

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Mistakes are uncomfortable for everyone, but they are essential stepping stones to independence, resilience, and character. By allowing their children to fall, parents send the message that failure is part of learning, not final.

Final tip: Model a growth mindset. Share age-appropriate stories of mistakes and how you learned from them. When children know that adults, too, are a work in progress, they will be more willing to embrace their own journey.

Letting your children learn from their mistakes may not be easy, but it is one of the most important ways to prepare them for life’s challenges. Sometimes the best love is the tough love, and the best lessons come from falling and coming back strong.