You might totally love and respect your partner’s family, but having a bunch of them in one place can be intimidating, even if you’ve been together for years. So, we asked Bira for some strategies you can use to get through your partner’s family gatherings unscathed…and without relying too much on liquid courage!
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Accept the Awkwardness
It’s completely normal to feel nervous and out of your element, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Accepting and understanding your anxious feelings before the event begins might help make things a little easier overall.
Rehearse Your Lines
Bira suggests thinking through different scenarios that might happen—like a passive-aggressive comment from your mother-in-law—and preparing some healthy responses in advance. Don’t focus on how bad it might be, but use your knowledge of the family to anticipate likely events and how you can get through them graciously and kindly.
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Involve Your Partner
Your love should be on board with helping you feel as comfortable as possible—but the only way they can do that is if you’re open with them, says Bira: “They need to understand your feelings so they can best help you. It’s not ‘Your aunt is crazy,’ but ‘When your aunt is around I feel belittled.’” You might ask that they check in with you every few hours to see how things are going. Bira also suggests “having an agreed-upon safety word so your partner knows when you’re at your limit and absolutely need to leave.”
Be in the Moment
Breathe. No, seriously, breathe! Deep breaths before, during, and after will calm your whole mind and body—and most people won’t notice if you sneak a couple of Zen moments in amongst the smell of hot dogs and hamburgers. Bira says some mindfulness should help if you’re feeling anxious, too: “Truly looking around and checking out what other people are doing can be powerful. Likely, the family is doing other things and honestly not paying much attention to you or judging you.”
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Take a Break
If you need to hide in the bathroom or escape to Snapchat for a second, go for it. You’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to talk about which team is winning the baseball game, who’s pregnant, or where that second cousin is going to study abroad.