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Here’s how to avoid some of those stressors and get the most out of traveling as a twosome.
1. Set Expectations—and Be OK with Them Changing
It’s very likely you have different travel styles, so have an early discussion about what you want from the trip and how you’d like to spend your time and money. What’s your ideal activity-to-chill-time ratio? Are you a researcher or do you like to wing it once you’re there? Would you rather splurge on a fancy restaurant or stay in nicer accommodations? Do you secretly hate museums? Getting on the same page about this stuff before you leave will help you avoid conflict once you’re there, but don’t be surprised when one of you inevitably does a complete 180 on something.
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Before my husband and I set off, I insisted that I wanted to go slow—to spend more time in fewer places and really get to know them. In reality, after a few days in one place I was always itching to move on.
Remember that minds can change easily. But luckily, plans can too.
2. Accept Who You’re With
He’s a morning person; I’m a night owl who likes to go out with my friends. While we traveled, I realized he wasn’t suddenly going to become my partner in late-night crime. That’s just not who he is and I couldn’t expect him to change simply because I needed a drinking buddy. This is applicable to any activity you would normally recruit your BFF for, whether it’s shopping for the perfect jeans or watching an artsy film. If you can, find someone else to temporarily fill that need (in my case, that meant going out with fellow travelers) or accept that you’ll have to do without it for a while. I ended up having fewer nights that ended with sunrise, but he did convince me to start a few days with sunrise instead. That said…
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3. Realize: You Don’t Have to Do Everything Together
Yes, you’re a couple on vacation, but you’re also two individuals on vacation. And occasionally you’ll want to spend your joint holiday doing different things. Sometimes one of you will defer to the other and get dragged off to watch a sports game/go on a boat ride/sit through an open mic storytelling night—and that’s awesome. Being able to compromise is an invaluable skill when you’re traveling with someone else. However, it’s also OK to go your separate ways now and then. For instance, when we were in Paris, I was keen to visit Versailles, but he had already been a few years before. So I took a solo day trip while he stayed behind to explore the city. We both got to do exactly what we wanted with our day, and had stories to tell each other when we met up again in the evening. Choosing to spend time apart doesn’t necessarily signal a weak relationship; sometimes it’s a sign of a secure one.
We both got to do exactly what we wanted with our day, and had stories to tell each other when we met up again in the evening.
4. Have a Threesome…at Least Once
You’re probably looking forward to spending some quality one-on-one time together. But ask anyone who’s traveled a lot and they’ll tell you that meeting new people is one of the best things about it. However, when you’re paired up, others may be less likely to approach you, which means the onus is on you to make that happen. Commit to doing at least one activity with strangers. Ask if you can join someone’s table during a meal, or see if some of your fellow sightseers want to team up and split the cost of a tour guide. And if you see a solo traveler, go over and talk to them—it’s likely to be the most interesting conversation you’ll have on your trip. That’s how we met a double-amputee in Nepal who was attempting to summit Everest, after losing both his feet to frostbite on a previous attempt.
Often, those moments are among the most memorable of the trip, and the ones you’re most grateful to have shared with each other. Happy trails, lovebirds.
Sarah Theeboom just finished a year of trekking around the world with her husband. She writes about food, culture, travel, shopping and entertainment for publications like Rolling Stone, New York Magazine, The Guardian, The Huffington Post, Condé Nast Traveler, and Metro.