A man writes a message on the pavement in central Manchester following the attack at a U.K. concert site that left 22 people dead, many of them children and young people. (Darren Staples/Reuters)
Parents dealing with how to talk to their children about violent incidents like the attack Monday night in Manchester, England, after Ariana Grande concert first need to reassure them that they are safe, psychologists suggest.
The first question children usually ask during violence world events is whether they’re in danger, said Dr. Sandra Mendlowitz, a psychologist at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children.
“Parents need to reassure their child that they are in fact safe,” Mendlowitz said in the blog. “They can explain that this was a senseless act, which sometimes does occur, but our government and police are working together to help keep everyone safe.”
For its part, the American Academy of Pediatrics issued a statement of condolence in response to the Manchester attack that left 22 people dead and dozens wounded — many of them children and young people.
“Pediatricians know far too well that violence can have lasting effects on children, even if they are only learning about it through the media,” the group said, also pointing to resources for families.
3 fundamental questions
Children and teens turn to their parents to help them feel secure and to understand world events in terms they can understand, a bit at a time, experts say.
Dr. Gene Beresin is executive director of Massachusetts General Hospital’s Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds, and a staff child and adolescent psychiatrist. After last year’s attacks in Brussels and Paris, he noted children need answers to three fundamental questions:
- Am I safe?
- Are you, the people who take care of me, safe?
- How will these events affect my daily life?
Watching violent or upsetting images can be disturbing, especially for young children.
The American Pediatric Academy suggests sharing basic information with children, not graphic details or unnecessary details about tragic circumstances.
For older children who want to watch the news, the academy suggests recording programs first, and then watching them with them. That way, families can stop and pause for discussions as needed.
Parents are also advised to be aware of news and graphic images on social media, and to take steps in advance to talk to children about what they might see or hear.
Winston’s Wish, a Childhood Bereavement Network in the U.K., suggests saying something like: “No one can completely know why. We know it wasn’t an accident. It’s so, so difficult to understand why anyone would be so cruel as to kill other people.”
Answer kids’ questions honestly, experts say
Showing children how people pull together during difficult times can be helpful.
Parents are encouraged to listen to their children’s questions and answer honestly.
“Show willingness to talk about difficult things and use this as an opportunity to reassure them,” Winston’s Wish said in its response to children affected by media coverage of attacks in England.
Previous guidelines from Canadian school boards have urged parents and other adults to help older children separate what they know from speculation.
Child and adolescent psychiatrists also suggest that parents try to avoid passing their own anxieties on to their children. Rather, parents are encouraged to get support from someone other than their kids.
Psychiatrists and child psychologists generally advise families to maintain routines and look for signs a child might not be coping well, such as sleeping problems, physical complaints, changes in behaviour or emotional problems.
One service that’s easily accessible is Kids Help Phone, Canada’s national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth.