- LAUREN GEE still takes her four-year-old son home in a buggy
- She says it saves time when he is being difficult on the school run
- Sebastian sometimes runs off or refuses to walk when they are out
17:09 EST, 22 March 2014
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10:18 EST, 23 March 2014
My four-and-a-half-year-old son Sebastian quite often emerges from the school gate exhausted, irritable and impossible to reason with. Dragging his feet along the pavement, the ten-minute stroll home would take ten times longer if I let him go at his own pace. So I whisk him into his buggy and wheel him away.
There’s nothing wrong with his legs. Sebastian is more than capable of walking and sometimes complains about being strapped in. But both of us are the better for him not being on foot.
So most days I still use the buggy, and I will continue to do so for as long as I can get away with it.
Pushed to the limit: Lauren Gee, from Loughton, Essex, believes transporting her four-year-old son Sebastian in a buggy is the the best way to save time on the school run
I know I’m not the only one. Parenting forums such as Mumsnet are full of exhausted mothers extolling the virtues of buggies, sometimes for children as old as five.
Being a mother can be stressful and using a buggy is a sensible and simple way to save my sanity during the daily grind of parenting.
It is certainly not harmful, which is why a friend and I were incredulous at recent research that claimed parents who put young children in buggies for too long could impair not only their physical skills but also their speech.
According to neuropsychologist Sally Goddard Blythe, director of the Institute for Neuro Physiological Psychology in Chester, an over-reliance on prams and strollers reduces the time children spend interacting with parents. The knock-on effects, she warns, can harm performance at school and last throughout their lives.
Nonsense! Yes, my son’s buggy is forward-facing but at his age he is more than capable of turning to talk to me. When he’s not in it I make sure he has plenty of activity, including weekly football and gymnastics sessions, to keep him healthy.
Danger buggy: Last week neuropsychologist Sally Goddard Blythe warned that an overreliance on strollers can harm a child’s performance at school and last throughout their lives
Besides, unless any of these ‘experts’ have experienced the sheer, tear-your-hair-out frustration of being confronted with a stubborn, whining little boy who parks himself in the middle of the pavement, refusing to budge because his legs are too tired, I don’t believe they are in any position to pass judgment. What am I supposed to do? He offers me no option.
He isn’t badly behaved. But he is a typical four-year-old.
If I let him walk, he wanders off into people’s front gardens or swings around lampposts, which is all very well on days off but not on the three mornings a week when I have to deliver his two-year-old sister Daphne to her child-minder before getting to my job as a project manager for a housing federation. Being late is not an option.
COMMENT BY DR ELLIE CANNON
I’ve read Lauren’s story and the opinion of neuropsychologist Sally Goddard Blythe. And I agree with the expert – that expert being Lauren.
The theory that the use of buggies prevents interaction with mothers is typical of the black-and-white dogma parents are faced with today.
A huge number of aspects of modern life reduce interaction with parents: things like phones, cars, televisions and working parents. How can any research isolate forward-facing buggies as the culprit? Of course closeness is essential, but surely so is seeing the world around you.
Parenting decisions are made in reality by considering a huge number of factors that are individual to the family and child. And that is exactly what Lauren has done.
In an ideal world Sebastian would be walking home; he’s old enough and the exercise would be good for him. But he isn’t overweight, and from her descriptions he sounds like many boisterous, inquisitive boys his age.
My children certainly weren’t in a buggy at that age, and I wouldn’t recommend my patients have their four-year-olds in buggies.
But Lauren has made a decision based on the convenience, safety and ease of her family.
She has weighed up the pros and cons and is doing what she believes is right for her child.
At 2st 8lb Sebastian is too heavy to carry. I know this because I’ve put my back out trying.
He gets bored on his scooter and jumps off his buggy board – a platform that attaches to the pram for him to stand on.
The half-mile distance between our home in Loughton, Essex, and his school doesn’t warrant driving.
So a buggy – single if we are on our own or our double if we’re with Daphne – is the only option. Both are forward-facing and built to hold older children of up to 3st 4lb each.
I wouldn’t contemplate taking Sebastian any distance without one.
The last time I did so, a couple of months ago, he ran off down a busy side street in Central London. I was terrified.
On another occasion, when I decided to risk using only the single buggy to transport Daphne, I had to drape him over the hood just to get him home.
If we’re going shopping I will strap him in for up to two hours. I provide books, his lunch box and, as a last resort, an iPad by way of diversion.
Strangers give me disparaging looks in the street and friends say that instead of using a buggy, I should discipline Sebastian better. But how many four-year-olds listen to their mum when they are tired?
My partner, Leighton, 37, a systems architect, would love to get rid of the buggy but it’s more because of the space it takes up in our home than because it’s bad for our son’s health.
My mum is also adamant it would be better for her grandson’s health to walk more. They are all entitled to their opinions but as a grown woman of 32 I don’t have to listen.
Increasingly, Sebastian does tell me he’s too big for a pushchair and begs me to let him out.
He feels self-conscious because his friends don’t use one and asks me to walk the last few yards before we get to school so they don’t see him in it.
After Sebastian turns five in August, he’ll hopefully be better at walking, by which time he will be too big for the buggy and, in any case, he will have to make room in our buggy for my third child, who I’m expecting next month.
Until then I will carry on pushing him in his buggy, regardless of what anyone else has to say about the matter.
Frankly, it’s nobody’s business but my own.
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The comments below have been moderated in advance.
rubyslippers,
Sarasota, United States,
2 hours ago
My son was out and about at the age of 2yrs old. Keeping him in a stroller at certain times would have been convenient for me. Because of crowds and confusion losing my child was always the worst of my fears. So,I chose to put a harness / wristband on my son and myself that linked us together via extension cord or wide cloth elastic band. So he couldn’t get to far away from me. I did run into some resistance with this method of restraint, I was not deterred my son’s safety was always my #1concern. No one could get near my son without my knowledge. Worked like a charm. My son actually felt better when we were wearing our wristbands that connected us. He felt safe and connected to me. Great for flea markets, local entertainment, fairs, festivals etc. .. Do what’s right for you!
Mrs Mop,
Moppington,
2 hours ago
There is a very fine line between taking children out too early from buggies, frustrated parents dragging 2 year olds round who more often than not couldn’t walk great distances and leaving them in for too long like this mother. I have a stubborn boy, I sympathise with this mother but you are not teaching them anything. You are reinforcing the idea that they can walk (excuse the pun!) all over you. I’m sure if my 6 year old was given the choice he’d probably want a ride in a buggy but he’d soon change his mind if his friends made fun of him. Something which this boy is now discovering. It’s harder to make sure they are holding your hand and walking correctly, perhaps leaving the house 10 minutes earlier to begin with will train you both in walking properly.
Mh,
Kendal, United Kingdom,
2 hours ago
‘How many four year old listen to a parent when their tired?’
Mine does. Tired or not, he still knows the rules. Which involve doing things like not running off down side streets.
jj73,
London,
2 hours ago
Love the posts from the ‘perfect mothers’ . Never actually met one but come across them quite a lot online!
Minka,
London, United Kingdom,
2 hours ago
The poor child needs exercise, and he also needs to learn how to cross the road and act safely in public, which he won’t learn by being strapped in until he’s 10. He is NOT some wayward toddler who doesn’t understand the dangers of the road, and even wayward toddlers can be kept on a harness until they learn. A child this age is old enough to go to school, unless he has special needs and is really incapable of learning how to walk with his mum, he should be walking whenever possible. It would be better for his health, and also for his psychological development. He’s at an age where he feels self-conscious because he knows the other kids aren’t trapped in a buggy, and he wants to walk also. Yes, they’re not always going to be well-behaved when they are tired at the age of 4, but that is something all parents and carers of 4 year olds deal with. Regardless of whether they’re strapped in or walking, they’re going to get grumpy.
MissSyeda,
London, United Kingdom,
2 hours ago
How did this even get on the news
Julie,
Leicester, United Kingdom,
2 hours ago
Dr Ellie Cannon : “Lauren has made a decision based on the convenience, safety and ease of her family.
She has weighed up the pros and cons and is doing what she believes is right for her child.â€â€”———— well, her decision is based on convenience and ease, but having children is neither easy nor convenient so if those are your priorioties better not to have any (let alone THREE). She is doing what she believes is rigt for her, not her child.
whydowebother,
Fleet,
2 hours ago
I have 4 year old twins, we haven’t used a pram in 2 years and they walk everywhere with me perfectly well. It’s how you raise them, she clearly has no control over her child if he won’t walk properly with her at this age. And it’s our business now as you printed it in a national newspaper so we are free to comment!
littlethwaite,
Lantz,
2 hours ago
For crying out loud. Why is it anything to do with the DM readers? It is her business not yours. If she picked him up everyday in the car no one would bleat on the way you all are.
Katy,
Inverness,
2 hours ago
MY FATHER WALKED 5 MILES TO SCHOOL .This is ridiculous he needs to keep his limbs healthy plus your turning him into a wimp for work and wife .TROUBLE LIES AHEAD
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