In reading my work, she’d recognized for the first time that her body was worthy of respect, just as it was. I was floored and honored by this note. She just had one question: How much weight had I lost?
My heart sunk. I’ve spent years of my life spreading the word about intuitive eating, an approach that essentially teaches us lifelong dieters to eat like normal people. Yet most people have trouble grasping this part: It’s not about weight.
“Intuitive eating is different from a diet because it’s about using your internal cues to guide your food choices, rather than following external rules,” says Christy Harrison, M.P.H., R.D. “Nutrition definitely has a place in intuitive eating, but so do hunger, fullness, desire, and satisfaction—things that diets generally don’t address effectively.”
The other big difference, she adds, is that, changing your weight does not have a place in intuitive eating because some research suggests that some weight loss efforts, like restrictive eating, can make you less healthy in the long run. It sounds like a radical act, but really it’s just common sense.
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Macarons: Looking better than they taste since 1533.
A photo posted by mskelseymiller (@mskelseymiller) on Jun 7, 2016 at 3:12pm PDT
Despite the consistent, strong evidence against the efficacy of dieting, we’re conditioned to think, “How can this help me lose weight?” That’s why I get a steady stream of well-meaning emails, comments, and interview questions asking, “So, does it work?”
Yes, intuitive eating works. It helps you find peace with food and will help you learn to trust and respect your body in the long-term. And yes, for many people, weight loss is a side effect. But that’s what it has to be: a side effect, not a goal.
What makes intuitive eating easier and harder than any diet is that there are no food rules to follow and no weight goals to meet. While that sounds like a free-for-all, it requires a dramatic mental shift.
“It’s so important to let go of the diet mentality when practicing intuitive eating,” says Harrison. “If you’re still making food and movement choices for weight loss—whether overtly or in a subtle way—you can’t tune in to your body’s needs and desires.”
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If you fear that this way of eating might tempt you to give into every craving, don’t worry: Your body’s needs and desires are not all-you-can-eat cheeseburgers. True, you might find cheeseburgers more exciting when they’re no longer forbidden. But the (sad? happy?) truth is that you will get bored with them when you realize that the cheeseburgers aren’t going anywhere. Your brain will get the message that cheeseburgers are delicious and sometimes very satisfying—but vegetables are pretty good too.
Had a seriously imperfect day and nothing pleased me more than buying myself six perfect scallops for dinner. Comfort food doesn’t fix discomfort, but it’s not necessarily an unhealthy impulse. However, I’m also watching The Da Vinci Code. So.
A photo posted by mskelseymiller (@mskelseymiller) on Feb 23, 2016 at 5:41pm PST
That’s really why intuitive eating “works.” It helps you find your own balance again. So when people ask how much weight I’ve lost, I try to shrug it off. I know that my body has changed, and I know it will change again throughout my lifetime. My weight, my shape, and size—those things will shift in accordance with the rest of what’s happening in my life. And that’s a part of balance, too.