- Sally Bartlam-Hawes has suffered 10 miscarriages in the last decade
- 30-year-old lost two babies before she became pregnant with her son Theo
- Since his birth she has suffered a further eight miscarriages
- She revealed she was often forced to wait in the same waiting areas as women whose pregnancies were progressing normally
- One nurse told her to throw her embryo’s remains in the bin before offering to do it for her
- Her call for better care comes in light of a Mumsnet campaign on the issue
- A survey of 1,000 users found half of women questioned had waited longer than 24 hours for a scan to find out if their baby was still alive
A mother who endured 10 miscarriages in a decade today called for better care for women who lose their babies.
Sally Bartlam-Hawes said she was regularly made to wait alongside women whose pregnancies were progressing normally, and revealed one nurse told her to throw one embryo in the bin, before offering to do it for her.
It comes as the parenting website Mumsnet campaigns for better care for women who have miscarried, after carrying out a survey of more than 1,000 women.
The results reveal half of those questioned waited more than 24 hours for a scan to discover if their baby was still alive.
Sally Bartlam-Hawes has called for better care for women who have suffered miscarriages, after enduring 10 devastating ordeals in the last decade
And 47 per cent were treated alongside women with an on-going pregnancy.
Mrs Bartlam-Hawes, now 30, first fell pregnant when she was 19 years old.
The pregnant mother-of-one said the level of care she has received in the wake of each miscarriage has varied, adding ‘care is patchy’.
At 19 years old, Mrs Bartlam-Hawes’s first pregnancy was unplanned but the then teenager was in a happy relationship, had a good job and decided to continue with the pregnancy.
But at 10 weeks, Mrs Bartlam-Hawes noticed a small amount of bleeding, which quickly became heavier.
She told ITV’s This Morning: ‘I was worried, I think in the back of my mind I know but outwardly I was thinking “maybe something can be doneâ€.
‘I kept thinking some people do bleed early on in pregnancy, I was trying to stay hopeful.
‘I went to see my GP with my mum. He examined me and said it did not look good, he didn’t tell me I was losing.
‘I was sent home to wait and see.
‘I lost my baby early the next day. I was told not to take any strong painkillers because that could make the miscarriage worse, slowing down cramping and making it longer and more difficult.
‘I have since found out that isn’t true.’
After suffering two miscarriages, doctors were on the verge of sending Mrs Bartlam-Hawes for a series of tests to investigate what was wrong.
The mother-of-one is currently 31 weeks pregnant with her second baby, after years of anguish
But miraculously she fell pregnant with her son Theodore. Feeling lucky, she and her husband, decided to try for a little brother or sister for Theo.
But a second successful pregnancy proved almost impossible.
The couple suffered another eight miscarriages after their son was born.
Reflecting on the care she received, Mrs Bartlam-Hawes, said: ‘It differed, care can be patchy.
‘Some nurses and midwives were very supportive. The first two miscarriages after Theo, I didn’t think there was any option.
‘I didn’t go to see my GP until afterwards. One GP basically said “if you were pregnant, you’re not anymoreâ€, which was quite hard to take.
‘I knew what to expect, how long it would last, how painful the cramps would be.’
It was only after suffering several miscarriages that Mrs Bartlam-Hawes was offered counselling.
She said by that point she had learned how to deal with the heartbreaking ordeal.
Like many women suffering a miscarriage, Mrs Bartlam-Hawes was treated alongside women whose pregnancies were progressing normally.
‘Where I live you are all in one waiting room, there are women sitting there beaming and you’re thinking “it’s not looking good for meâ€,’ she said.
Revealing how her care could have been improved, she added: ‘If somebody had sat me down and explained exactly what was going to happen.
‘If somebody had sat me down and said the cramps are really bad, like period cramps but a lot, lot worse.
‘If they had said this is what you can expect to come away at however many weeks you are, and this is what we want you to do with the remains.
‘I was told to just to let it fall into the toilet, but I couldn’t let it happen. I had to retrieve it myself and take it to the hospital, where they (staff) said there was nothing they could do.
‘They told me I could put it in the bin, or “we will put it in the bin here for youâ€.’
After a decade of anguish, Mrs Bartlam-Hawes is 31 weeks pregnant with her second child.
She said despite extra scans and close monitoring, she is still ‘nervous’ about the health of her unborn child.
Mrs Bartlam-Hawes shared her experience with writer and broadcaster Denise Robertson on This Morning. She said she was often cared for in the same units as women whose pregnancies were progressing normally and told how one nurse told her to throw her embryo in the bin after one miscarriage
‘I still
wake up every day and worry, I still go to the toilet and expect
something to go wrong. If the baby hasn’t moved for a while, or I get a
twinge, I panic.’
Health
minister Dr Dan Poulter told This Morning: ‘We have invested £35
million to help improve maternity care, including investment in
bereavement rooms and additional support for women who suffer
miscarriage or a still birth.
‘By 2017 there will be specialist mental health midwives available in every maternity unit.’
Denise
Robertson, writer and broadcaster, said callers reacting to Mrs
Bartlam-Hawes’s story were echoing her experience of ‘patchy care’.
She said: ‘A lot of people are telling us horror stories, but there are one or two wonderful ones.
‘There are people out there in the NHS doing their best to give a good service but obviously it isn’t always working.’
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who,
cares, Canada,
1 hour ago
I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to lose that many babies
looby,
liverpool,
1 hour ago
I had 2 miscarriages, reading this brought back bad memories. Both were early but one was spontaneous the other I had to have surgery to remove as my body didn’t do it for me, I was told I could wait a few weeks to see if it happened naturally but I chose surgery to move things along quicker. Both times I was incredibly distressed, though I must say the staff at liverpool womens hospital were great, especially the senior consultant who referred me for tests. I found great support from other women on forums who understood my feelings but yes I agree more needs to be done for women going through these terrible experiences
Missy,
Manchester,
1 hour ago
I had a miscarriage last year with my first pregnancy, the hospital staff themselves were fine but there should be a private area for women who lose their babies as opposed to having to sit with women who are having healthy pregnancies. When i went to have a scan I was forced to sit among women who were hugging and kissing their partners after they had seen their babies and once it had been confirmed i had lost mine i was forced to wait with everyone until a porter came back to take me to my hospital bed. I do think the hospitals need to have more thought for the privacy of women who have lost their baby as its the most horrific thing to encounter. I am now 15 week pregnant and have everything cross that this baby is born healthy. I don’t think i could continue to try again and again if i kept miscarrying so all the best that this lady and all those out there trying get their little baba’s delivered safetly into their arms.
chemical angel,
Leigh,
1 hour ago
I cannot believe that in all these years, there is still no separate place for grieving mothers to go. Its heartbreaking sitting in the same room as those lucky enough to carry full term. Listening to the excited chatter of what names etc, while you can’t even get a breath. And all the while the midwives are as sympathetic as a brick.
Koala,
Kings Lynn,
1 hour ago
Not everyone can have babies, some people don’t have perfect health for it. Maybe stop getting pregnant and accept your fate!
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