- Jordan Kennedy, 25, from Kilmarnock, Scotland gave take on ‘ugly’ experience
- Brutally honest post has been liked 22,000 times on Facebook
- Mother-of-two described ‘sucking on pain relief like a junkie’
- Desribed private parts feeling like they’ve been ‘set alight’ at moment of birth
Siofra Brennan For Mailonline
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If you’ve never given birth, you’re still bound to have heard some horror stories with the caveat that it’s all swiftly forgotten once you’re cradling your bundle of joy.
But one woman has given a brutally honest account of the process – involving involuntary bowel movements, stitches and the fear your partner will never fancy you again – that will strike fear into the heart of any expectant mother.
Mother-of-two Jordan Kennedy, 25, from Kilmarnock in Scotland, took to Facebook to give her honest verdict on the experience of labour after becoming fed up with the sentimental scenes on One Born Every Minute.
Her description of labour as ‘one of the most ugly things ever’, and account of ‘a dodgy wee midwife that’s not slept in 35 hours trying to set about your vagina with a needle and thread’ has since been liked 22,000 times.
Mother-of-two Jordan Kennedy, 25, from Kilmarnock, Scotland who is expecting her third child took to Facebook to give her very honest take on the experience of labour
Jordan, who is six months pregnant with her third child, admitted that it’s ‘some buzz’ once the baby arrives, but said what comes first is certainly not pretty.
‘You start off with your clean PJs and slippers, all smiles, even a bit of lip gloss to keep you in good spirits. Then as the contractions start getting heavy, the slippers are chucked across the room.’
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From there on you end up with your ‘hair scraped back like Dog The Bounty Hunter’ and wearing a nappy big enough to absorb a pond.
‘You try so hard to keep your dignity so your man will still want you despite what’s about to happen,’ she added.
Jordan’s Facebook rant has clearly struck a chord and has racked up 22,000 likes
But all that goes out the window as the hours go on, she said, and you end up ‘sucking on the pain relief like a junkie, screaming for someone to just cut your throat and end it all’.
From there things don’t get any better, according to Jordan, as you may end up involuntarily opening your bowels while pushing.
‘You just take the next available pain relief to block out the embarrassment,’ she said.
Jordan was prompted to go on a Facebook rant after watching an episode of One Born Every Minute
‘That doesn’t work so you call the dad all the b******* through a voice that’s once been heard in the WWE wrestling ring.’
Jordan’s description of the moment of birth, which involves a ‘giant head’ popping out and making you feel as if your private parts have been ‘set alight’ was particularly eye-watering.
And even though the ordeal is finally over and you want to take a minute to yourself to relax, you then have to face the possibility of being stitched up.
‘It’s a pure magical moment for a woman,’ she added sarcastically.
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