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Here’s Why It’s So Controversial
Moms who think that’s the wrong way to go are not afraid to say so, in real life or on social media.
Let ur babies cry it out all you want but STOP fucking telling me how to raise mine after I’ve already told you I don’t believe in that shit
— birdie sanders (@JessiStrader666) July 9, 2016
When people post about letting their babies and toddlers cry it out- it literally makes me nauseous.
— rebecca (@rlnlux) July 2, 2016
There’s a special circle of hell for people who let their babies “cry it out” on airplanes
— Anna Gibbs (@anna_gibbs16) June 23, 2016
They pierce their babies ears, let their kids cry it out think their husbands who watch porn are cheaters. Lmfao bye. I can’t.
— Taylor Castle (@chipmomma) June 11, 2016
Yikes. With these kinds of vibes floating around the web, it’s no wonder some moms are reluctant to try this method. But is it really that bad?
The Science Behind ‘Cry It Out’
One big problem that fuels the controversy: There’s a lot of outdated info about whether or not the “cry it out” method is bad for your baby. For example, a search on psychologytoday.com cites studies from more than 10 years ago, one of which that found that, “When the baby is greatly distressed, it creates conditions for damage to synapses, the network construction which is ongoing in the infant brain.” Also, “If they are left to cry alone, they learn to shut down in the face of extensive distress—stop growing, stop feeling, stop trusting.” Um, scary much?
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But now, there’s new science backing up this method. Researchers in Australia recently published a study in the journal Pediatrics that found that the “cry it out” (also known as “graduated extinction”) method is effective and does not cause stress or lasting emotional problems for babies. In fact, compared to babies in the control group, those in the “cry it out” group fell asleep almost 15 minutes faster. And that’s a major win.
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Here’s How to Do It
Convinced that you should at least give sleep training a try? Kempton says you can start when your baby is around four to six months. The first step: Establish consistent and predictable routines around bedtime. Then, begin by putting your baby in the crib when he or she is still awake. “You never put your baby to sleep asleep,” she says. “The idea is that they are still awake but tired.”
Next—and this is the tough part—you walk out of the room. “That is how the baby will learn the skill of falling asleep, or self soothing,” says Kempton. “You do not return to the room. You can monitor the baby, but you let the baby fall asleep without another visit. Usually what you hear is an ebbing and flowing: The baby gets really, really mad, and then they calm themselves down.”
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She adds that if the crying sounds like it’s getting worse, you can go in and check to see if baby needs a diaper change. “But make it very businesslike, then leave again,” says Kempton. This method might mean more crying upfront, but over the course of a few days (hopefully!), your tike should be sleeping through the night.
Struggling to resist your baby’s wails? Kempton says you can also try the check-and-console method. “If baby is crying after 15 minutes, go in,” she says. “Reassure the baby, but do not pick him up. The next time, add five minutes. So go in at 20 minutes. Then 25. Then 30. You increase the intervals over the course of the night, and then over the subsequent nights.” Sooner or later, sweet dreams will be had for all.
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