A popular personal development site run by a colleague of mine surveyed its 80,000 subscribers to discover what they wanted most.
The number one response: self-confidence.
I’ve never met anyone who didn’t value self-confidence. I’ve rarely met people who wouldn’t want more self-confidence.
Over the years, I have discovered a key to growing self-confidence like a great little vine.
Pruning.
That’s right. You grow self-confidence by trimming back expectations, setting limits on yourself and defining core areas of competence.
For example, when I was a young and nervous counselor, I thought I should be able to successfully work with anyone, with any condition, who walked in my door. I took on every case, no matter what, and often found myself over my head, running to my supervisor for help, a nervous wreck.
Over time, I learned that there are some populations, regardless of my level of experience, with which I am not cut out to work. I learned the art of referring. I learned to pass on cases outside of my focus areas of expertise.
I learned to prune my expectations.
As I trimmed and pruned, my self-confidence as a practitioner grew. Now, I understand the specific issues I can work with successfully and have the right amount of confidence for me.
For confidence to overflow, the container must be the right size. If you think you should be able to accomplish anything, in any situation, you are setting yourself up. The reality is, you have talents unique to you. And there are plenty of areas of life in which you probably have no business pretending you are confident.
Discover your talents. Focus them. Let go of performance expectations outside those areas. Then, within your high confidence areas, prune your expectations further to make sure your feet are on the ground.
When your self-confidence vine is pruned, it is free to grow in the right direction, vibrant and full of life.
Of course, the deeper enemy to self-confidence is the Great Glitch in human nature, in which you set yourself up ahead of time for self-doubt, even when you are competent. Read more about the confidence Glitch here.
Which expectations do you need to trim so that your confidence can grow?
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And they are apparently too stupid to realize how easy it is to ensure they are called out for their bad behavior.
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    Last reviewed: 24 May 2013
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