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You may not want to put your partner on a pedestal. When someone feels too idealized by their romantic partner, their relationship satisfaction suffers, according to a new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 

The Difference Between “I Love You” and “I Idolize You” 
The researchers conducted three studies to find out how much fawning over your S.O. is good for the relationship, and when it becomes a little too much. The first study looked at 91 dating couples between the ages of 17 and 36. Some of the participants were led to believe their partners thought more highly of them than the participants thought of themselves (over-idealizing). After that, these participants ended up sitting farther away from their partners on a couch (as compared to the control group), suggesting that this perceived idealization may actually be a little unsettling.  

The second study surveyed 89 married couples in their late 30s about relationship quality, how they viewed themselves, and how they perceived their partner viewed them. When husbands thought their spouses over-idealized them, they reported being less satisfied with the relationship. This seemed to suggest that being idolized in a relationship can actually be bad for your bond if it goes way above how you actually feel about yourself. 

The third study replicated the second one, but it was conducted on 153 college students who were currently in romantic relationships (casually dating, seriously dating, or engaged). They found that relationship satisfaction increased with perceived idealization only up to a certain point before it leveled off. Then relationship satisfaction tanked when a partner’s view of a person was much greater than that person’s own self-regard. Basically, it looks like there’s an optimal level of adoration, and it’s when a partner views you slightly more positively than you view yourself. 

So why does this over-idealization wreck relationships? Researchers suggest that when put on a pedestal, a person may be less willing to put their partner’s needs first. That person also may feel like their partner doesn’t really know them and that they have to meet impossible expectations, which can lead to stress and resentment.

MORE: Why Sometimes You SHOULD Go to Bed Angry 

How to Score the Right Balance 
As counterintuitive as it seems, you may actually harm the relationship if you inflate your partner’s ego too much. Clearly your date should treat you well—and vice versa—but there’s a fine line between thinking highly of your partner and treating them like they’re the best thing to ever happen to this Earth…like, ever. That said, you don’t want to withhold affection either. 

MORE: The Sign That Your Relationship Might Not Be Totally Equal 

So even if you’re so love in with your significant other that you want to shout it from the rooftops, there are more productive (and less intense) ways to express your adoration. “If you want to acknowledge your partner in a positive way, express appreciation for the good things they do while accenting their particular talents or skills,” says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.  Plus, a recent study found that acknowledging your partner’s little acts of generosity can seriously boost your relationship. So it might be a better tactic than simply worshipping everything about them all the time. For example, “If your partner gets promoted at work, congratulate them and tell them how smart they are, and that you’re glad everyone else can see that too, instead of just saying how much you think they deserved it,” suggests Greer. This kind of praise shows your adoration without being too overzealous, which seems to be the perfect balance for maintaining your bond. 

If you’re looking for a few more ways to show your love without turning them off, try these 17 small gestures that say, “I love you.”

MORE: 10 Signs Your Relationship is Rock-Solid and Going to Last