Lots of women fantasize about their weddings, with tufts of white taffeta and mounds of buttercream-frosted cake filling their daydreams. But there are also many women who are like, “o thanks,†and simply don’t want to get married. Those women may chart solo paths toward happiness or have lifelong partnerships sans any sort of ceremony…and some of them change their minds later on.
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Here, three women explain what made them switch from being marriage-averse ladies into brides standing at the altar.
“I never wanted to get married because I was afraid of losing my career, losing my independence, or failing at marriage. I worked for a government contractor, negotiating multi-million dollar government contracts. I loved the travel, the people, the numbers, everything. When I met my now-husband, I was also attending graduate school at night, finishing an advanced degree in statistics. I had worked very hard for all my accomplishments and didn’t want to be sidelined. Then, at a corporate event, I met this smooth talker who I refused to date for several months. When I finally agreed to go out with him, he really made it a big night with pre-theater drinks, a Broadway show, then dinner. I found out we had a lot more in common than I’d thought. On our next date, he cooked dinner, and I realized he was not going away easily. He told me he didn’t plan to take anything away from me or lose anything he wanted and that I should hold onto everything I didn’t want to lose, as well. I couldn’t say no to that. He eventually won me over. I have since learned that I can still have my independence and my career, plus a son, family vacations, and additional benefits. My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years now, and we’re still going strong.†—Joan E.
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“I loved being single for 58 years. I was an independent professional, doing what I wanted when I wanted. Then I met an amazing man who had all the qualities I wanted but had given up on finding in someone: He was honest, had integrity, was healthy and fit, was spiritual, was politically liberal, and had a sense of humor. He was also attractive and was attracted to me—and he was fun! We got married last summer, and I couldn’t be happier. It is not perfect, as both of us had lived alone for a long time. There have been adjustments, to say the least. We mostly get frustrated because we tend to be self-centered and operate as singles, like accepting invitations without clearing it with each other first or buying something for the house without mutual approval. We’re learning how to be a couple, but we’re having a ball.†—Lauren K.
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“I used to be one of those women who was opposed to getting married. I didn’t believe in the institution of marriage, and per my women’s college education, I certainly didn’t want to be someone’s property. Fast forward to today: I’m married, took my husband’s last name, and we own two businesses together. I couldn’t be more bought in. The turning point for me was seeing how much my husband wanted to get married. Since I’d never seen marriage really work out for anyone—my own mother has been divorced three times—I didn’t see how marriage was any different than just moving in with a guy and buying a bunch of stuff together. But it meant something to my husband. Since I love him more than anything, I wanted to be a part of this special thing to him. Frankly, I’m glad I joined him in this whole marriage thing. It does feel different than simply being in a committed relationship, if only because you decide together that it is. As far as taking his last name, I didn’t have a great relationship with my father, so I was happy to have a different last name—something else that my husband and I can have together. I know it sounds anti-feminist and I don’t know what marriage means to anyone else, but for my husband and me, it’s just another way for us to be as closely tied to each other as possible.†—Diana L.